October 25, 2007

It's breast cancer awareness month and, of course, that comes with many stories and information where ever you look. Pink is all over the place. "This is good.", I tell myself, because lives are being saved and that's good. Because cancer seems to be a theme in my own family it dawns on me that I had already figured out my battle plan if this challenge came my way. I would know, for the most part, what I was up against and how to fight this kind of war.

So, it begs the question as to why I have been given this kind of challenge? "Lord," I say, "I'm not prepared to fight against something that can't be measured on a blood test, or seen on an MRI." My usual tactics for taking on the difficult curve balls of life don't seem to measure up anymore. I'm praying that this is a good thing and one of God's tools to help me keep pushing forward, even though it causes me to momentarily stall out like a car going through too deep of water during a rain storm. But, I have to wonder what's next for me on this journey. It's like driving across the country with no road map and windshield full of dead bugs. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and drive by Braille.

By nature I'm competitive and very much a fighter. I'm ready to pull out my big guns and "go big or go home." I remind God that I'm a warrior and its Go Time. This is where I start upping my dosages of medicine and researching more things I can take, researching more treatments, looking for more doctors, and get ready to take back the night...so-to-speak. This usually lasts me about a day and then I pass out from exhaustion only find I've put myself in the hole from all the emotional excitement of taking on something I can't even quantify. This is where I have my big ah-ha moment. Maybe this is what I needed after all. Something I can't manage myself, something I can't totally control, and definitely something that I could have never prepared for. I have asked God for a long time..."Show me your Glory." But, do I have a part in that process???

John 3:21 says, "But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

When I am living by God's truth and in His light, things flow. There is no exhaustion, no hype, no drama. And, its very clear that whatever answers to prayer I have are because of Him and His mercy. Its nothing I could have done on my own. No magic pills, no super doctors, no super human efforts on my part..just His love wrapped around me like a warm blanket fresh out of the dryer...only better.

And, then the gentle reminder. Yes, I am a Warrior but the mission has been clarified. Its not about being super strong, keeping a stiff upper lip, sucking it up, "going big or going home." Its about being a Warrior for peace, being a Warrior for forgiveness, and all of those things Christ came to earth to give to us. These are the things worth fighting for and passing on to those whose lives we touch. When I focus on God's mission and not mine the rest falls into place. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you." And, lest we think the mission is impossible, its not. Psalms 144:1 says, "Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle." We are all in training to receive everything we need to handle every battle that comes into our life. Sometimes we have battles that seem like they never end and others it seems like God has forgotten to give us the necessary means to win the victory. But, its our faith that activates all the tools we need.

So, my prayer is this: "Lord, train me to be a Mighty Warrior. A woman who walks in your truth and light so that it may be plainly seen what you have done."

God is Good.
Blessings, Tanya