Trusting - One Step at a Time

Psalm 3:1-4

Oh, Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him."
But, you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.

How easy it can be to look at our circumstances and see nothing but trials and tribulations. Some days you can start to believe the media that the sky is falling, the end is near, why bother trying. How easy is it to see the look in people's eyes and see the doubt that you really indeed will get well. Unbelief is rampant...in each other...in ourselves. The mentality of restoration by our God is wearing thin as time marches on. I am not immune to this either and find myself pondering the question daily..."Lord, will you make yourself known again to this generation?...or have we/I become too complacent to seek you out?" It's easy to say we trust God while we have "enough". Enough health, enough money, enough food. But can we trust Him with our lives when they are stripped of these things?

I have begun to explore this sense of entitlement that I possess. I should be entitled to good health because I've obeyed God's laws to the best of my ability, I have been a good citizen and I have tried to be a good friend. When my health started to go south this feeling of anger really rose up. How can this be? When all three of my kids seem to be sick at the same time or we have an emergency room crisis, I think..."Why is this happening to us?" As if we are immune to earthly challenges. It's a dangerous road for me to be on, because it can invariably lead right to the cross. Me, asking God, WHY????

As I meditate on that question I feel compelled to ask myself another question..."What kind of a woman would I be minus all of the difficulties in my life? Each event has allowed me to be less impressed with myself, more patient and less judgemental of others, and to quote a woman living with terminal cancer..."It moves me away from the mirror and towards the window." The window I'm looking out of is one that looks towards God's house. The answer to the question, "Can I trust God with my life stripped of this world, I find the answer to be, "YES". And, my faith is meaningless unless I have times of having nothing but Him to get me through to the next day. How can I tell my friend who is going through a divorce that God will take care of her, unless I know that for a fact? How can I pray with my friend who is as sick as I am that God is in control, if I don't believe myself? When I am hurting, I certainly don't want theory or a trite answer. I want the truth. I want to know that when I put my trust in God and believe Him for everything I need, that He not only can and will meet those needs according to his will...but He longs to meet those needs.

Since Sydney had her fainting episode we all have been dealing with a little Post-traumatic stress disorder. We joke about it now, but just underneath the surface we all our holding our breath sometimes. I am about to start some cortisol cream and thyroid cream next week that my new doctor has had good success with for "people like me"...and I'm holding my breath a little. None of us want to be disappointed, but God is asking us to believe. The Bible says in John 11:40 "Jesus said to her (Mary), 'Did I not say that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?" That was after he raised Lazarus from the dead.

That verse gives me shivers! I want to see the glory of God, but the process says I MUST first believe. To be honest, on days when I'm so sick that I can't get out of bed this is a stretch for me and I'm still learning one challenge at a time. But, something deep inside me...God's spirit I believe...tells me to just fall back in His arms and let Him fight this battle for me. I guess what I want to say is embrace life's difficulties as a way to get to know your creator more intimately. Allow it to make your faith true.

The last thought I've been meditating on is from Oswald Chambers' book, "My Utmost for His Highest." He shares, "Faith must be tested, because it can only become your intimate possession through conflict. What is challenging your faith right now? The test will either prove your faith right, or it will kill it."

I'm praying tonight that mine will be proved right...but we need to pray for each other that none of us will allow suffering and sorrow to kill it. And, I do believe God is trying to make himself known to this generation. We just have to choose to believe.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me! I pray that we all are able to taste and see that the Lord is good.
Much love and prayers, Tanya