2nd Corinthians 10:3-5

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

I'm doing a study on "Strongholds" right now and I have to say it has been tough for me to dive into this. However, when you know the Lord is shining a light on a certain area, I have found it counterproductive to ignore the flashlight. So, just to be clear...part of my learning process is this blog. It forces me to be clear and put things down in a logical way. Otherwise, these truths swirl around in my head and never take root. Thank you for letting me learn this way and for being a part of the process. I guess I could write it all down in a journal, but I know you all will keep more accountable than an empty notebook would.

The book I'm reading out of was recommended to me by a family friend in Alaska who has prayed for me since I was about 16. It's called "Shattering your Strongholds", by Liberty Savard.

So, here is what she says about it in the workbook: "A personal, inner stronghold is the logic, reasoning, arguments, justifications, rationalizations, and denial you use to protect and defend your right to believe something--regardless of whether or not it is true."

I must confess I haven't gotten very far past this statement. I've been laying awake at night ticking off my list of the above definitions. It's hard to stop and consider that maybe the things you have believed all along have hindered your walk and hindered the Holy Spirit's ability to do His work in you and through you. One of my must uncomfortable places to start is dealing with how I see myself. I have had this life long battle with feeling like I never accomplish enough or I'm not enough for God unless I'm doing, doing, doing. I think being sick has obviously made that become a high light for me to easily take a look at. I try not to struggle against the tide but its hard not to feel less than when I can't be the kind of mom that I had always dreamed of being. My hope is that God will teach me that being a "good mom" doesn't always mean I have to be "doing" things for them. Maybe because of this illness they have had more of my undivided attention than had I been healthy. Maybe my prayers were actually answered in the respect that I have been forced to stop and listen to all of their stories, fears and questions. I have been much better with Sydney and Spencer now than I was with Whitney at this age of making sure I'm looking at them and listening when they talk. The challenge will be when I regain my health and can start "doing more", will I still understand that my value comes from "BE-ing" and not "do-ing"? It's not a quick fix.

There is much more to this story, but for now I will stop and take a break. There will be many more installments to the unraveling of my strongholds and I pray that there will be victory at the end. The Lord is really pressing in on me to believe that ALL things are possible with Him and to Trust Him with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding. Have you ever been "pressed on" by the Lord? It's not always very comfortable...lol! But, I'm going to sit in my intertube and float down the river and see where it takes me :-).

Many Blessings, Tanya