A Time to Remember - living an abundant life

Yesterday I was having my morning devotions and prayer time and specifically focusing on a friend seeing a new doctor. I was searching for a scripture or something that could be an encouragement to her. It's funny how sometimes we are looking to give to someone else and in the process the Lord gives something to us.

As I sat there flipping through my Bible I suddenly was reminded about a time back before I had my thyroid surgery. It was about a month after the nodule was discovered and appointments were being made to discuss having a biopsy done on it to rule out cancer. As I searched the Internet gathering information and my stomach was churning it seemed like I was going to be faced with a difficult decision.

One afternoon a week later I was doing some cooking and had some praise music on. Everyone was gone and I was home alone. A song came on that caused me to put everything down and go sit and pull out my Bible. As I opened to a verse that came to mind, one that I have never read before there were these words: Psalm 118:17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks one moment and the next moment it felt like someone literally, physically lifted something off of my back. I knew in that moment that my nodule was not cancerous. Something inside me changed so drastically and gave me a confidence I had never experienced before in the face of such difficulty.

When my appointment arrived to have the biopsy done I made the choice to not take the pre-op medicine to help you relax before they stick a huge needle in your neck...yuck. I knew that either the nodule would be gone or the biopsy would not happen. I chose not to cancel the appointment because for some reason I felt strongly that I still needed to go. When I went in and they started prepping me, the nurse fired up the ultrasound and sure enough...the nodule was still there. I thought..."Oh, great, what have I done." There was this adrenaline rush and huge feelings of doubt. And, truth be told, I started scolding myself for being such a nut case for thinking like this and not taking that medicine to help me get through the procedure.

About ten minutes passed and I was so close to bolting off that table. I felt numb and couldn't figure out how I misunderstood what God had showed me, and how I felt He was leading me. But, then the surgeon came in. He was a really friendly guy and seemed like he had a steady hand...Praise God :-). He grabbed the ultrasound wand and took a look at the nodule himself. After about 30 seconds he looked at me and said, "And, why are we doing a biopsy on this thing?". I burst out laughing and said, "I don't know, I think its crazy too." So, he called my doctor and they spoke for a moment and everyone agreed that this nodule did not look cancerous, although its really impossible to tell 100%, and decided this thing should not be touched. Woohooo. I couldn't believe my ears. I realized in that moment that God had shown himself loud and clear. It felt like such a huge victory.

The difficult part is that its been hard to carry around that original confidence that He placed in my heart on that specific day as time as gone on. But, what I felt like He was reminding of was how I knew one thing for sure before walking into that appointment. I knew that God had shown me that my nodule was not cancerous, and I had nothing to be afraid of.

So, yesterday I shared the story with my friend who was feeling nervous about her appointment and after I got off the phone, I thanked God for reminding me of such a powerful time. Reminding me that I had let go of that confidence that made me walk with such conviction that even a needle to the neck didn't scare me. And, that as I walked with conviction, confidence and expectation...that God would be delighted to show up and make His Glory known.

I recently read a quote by Saint Irenaeus that said, "The glory of God is man fully alive." Honestly, when a person feels sick 24/7, its hard to feel fully alive and embrace God's word that says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) But, He says that's why He came...and so I believe Him.

I have to say that the day I got up off that operating table at the hospital after not having that biopsy done...I did feel fully alive. I felt something that I will never forget. It was just a taste of what God is trying to do in our lives. Who would of thought that something like that would have a lasting impression on my walk with God.

So, today I sit here on an overcast, Tuesday morning. Whitney was up coughing last night until nearly 1:00 a.m., Sydney had major bloody nose around 3:30 a.m. and didn't go back to sleep until about 4:00 a.m. and I didn't go back to sleep until almost 5:30 a.m. I won't pretend that I'm feeling like "all that and a bag of chips." I'm exhausted on top of being exhausted. But, if I can sit here and enjoy the presence of the Lord and what He has done for me and what He will do today, and in the future...then I think I'm having a small piece of the abundant life. I think these are the days where my love for God and my own faithfulness are lived out. Not the days when I have everything going according to plan and things fall into place so easily. No, today is the day that I feel incredibly grateful and thankful for all that God has done. The sun is not shining outside my window...the birds have found a different tree in someone else's yard to hang out in. But, inside my heart the sun is shining today. It feels full and ready to dive deeper into life than ever before.

John 7:38
Whoever believes in me as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

Have an abundant day, no matter what you are feeling or what the circumstances. God is good.
Blessings, Tanya