April 27th, 2008

Sunday's, over the past 2.5 years, have always been a difficult day for me. It's when I have watched my family walk out the door to head to church while I am left in bed to have church on my own. The good news is that God always showed up and I always knew I had so much to be grateful for even despite the fact that it was just He and I. God still knows how to "bring down the house" even in a sanctuary of just one.

But, today I went to church with my family and even though it isn't the first time, it has been a while since I was last able to. We sat in the usual spot and today we were surrounded by some of our closest friends. What a difference it makes to be in fellowship, worshiping together, praising God together. And for me it is even sweeter because my friends were praising God along side of me that I was standing there today. How great to have people cheering you on, believing with you for your healing, glad to see you and giving you warm hugs that last until both of you start to tear up. That's what church is all about to me.

What made today worth writing about, though, was reconnecting with a woman that I first met at our church over two years ago. She and her husband had brought us a meal when I first became sick. What makes them so special is that she has MS and struggles everyday just to do the basics. Her husband has a beautiful voice and I listened to him raise such heart-felt praise to the Lord...and I felt like I just needed to be next to her today. To tell her thank you again for the meal they brought and remind her how much it meant to us. And, because I wasn't able to cook anything for such a long time, knowing how much she endures made me realize how much more precious this outpouring was. We take for granted that everyone who reaches out to help us, does it with excess energy and a carefree life. But, that's just not true. My friend, who came and picked my two kids everyday for two years to get them to preschool sacrificed more than I will ever know or more than she would even share. These are the people who inspire me to give more and consume less. People who have disabilities of their own, busy schedules of their own, and still do what ever they can to reach out a hand to families struggling as well. I know that Bob and I have always tried to do this as best we know how and have talked many times about looking forward to the day when we can do more. Really though, today is the day. It's not always about making a meal or picking up somebody else's kids. I have found that sometimes its just praying with someone over the phone who feels completely alone and overwhelmed by their circumstances. Sometimes its just calling someone to say that you are thinking about them. That's what church is truly about. Being Jesus with arms.

I feel grateful to be a part of a congregation that does these things. That reaches out to people even when their own life is less than perfect. Well, let's face it...for my friend with MS, its beyond anything I could know about. Her gift to me is one that will reach into eternity because she is showing me the way. How to truly give regardless of my circumstances. The joy she radiates is something to behold because to shine the way she does while enduring the difficulties in her life says to me that Jesus is more than enough for her. And, that's what I long for too. If I can allow God's light to flow through me to the point that people no longer can see my weaknesses, but only God's strength then everything else in life is just the gravy...the overflow. But, I can't get there on my own. I need people like this woman helping me to break down my own barriers and showing me that I can do more. I need my church to hug me until the tears of refreshment and healing start to flow after I have been wandering in a dry and thirsty land. Life was not meant to be traveled alone and so as I long to be refreshed, may I also become a true refresher. I pray my life will one day have the capacity to reach out and draw people to something pure and lovely and true. I'm still falling down in this department. My words haven't always produced the fruit of life after speaking them. And this, more than anything is what I pray God will do in me, by sending those who have endured far more than I have to show me the way so that in turn I can do the same.

God is good!
Blessings, Tanya