May 8th, Moms & Muffins

It's been a big year for our family. So much to celebrate and to be thankful for. This morning I woke up with Sydney standing next to my bed all dressed and ready for the day, holding a little sign that said, "To: Mommy Gore". The inside said, "Happy Mom's and Muffins Day." I could tell that even though we didn't talk about the fact that I wasn't well enough to attend this wonderful event at school last year, her anticipation of having me there today was so palpable, I made sure that I got my act together quickly so as not to be late. We had a great time together and it was impossible not to smile all morning long thinking how good God has been to our family. It's funny too because even though I've done the "Mom's and Muffins" thing with Whitney many times, this time was sweeter and had feelings of hope as the underpinning of the day. It's another memory that will have a deeper imprint on all of us as we celebrate even the smallest of these events in our lives. I guess when one has been house bound for a few years, there is no such thing as a small event that involves anything outside our four walls. Even saying how grateful I feel rarely feels like enough.

After that event I had a doctor appointment, my first one in about 6 months. I went back to my first naturopathic doctor I ever worked with when I first started having issues. It was a great appointment. Great in the respect that he could see by some of my tests and also just how I have been feeling that God has really put me on the right track. He really liked what I had been doing on my own and had just a few things that I could start working on to help with the food allergies. I am still only eating about 6-7 different foods. It felt like a relief to be partnering with someone who didn't want to give me more stuff to "kill things" in my body. He really encouraged me to continue going slow, to be patient and take a break from trying to figure things out. Just relax!!! Gosh, that sounds like my life mantra. But, I realized in that appointment how far I had come emotionally and spiritually. It felt good to hear him say, "You need to just keep going slow." I have sensed the Lord longing to slow me down for years and have written about it many times. "Just breathe, Tanya." Easier said than done for me. But, I am learning. I said to him in that appointment today..."I don't want to just get well. I want to live my whole life well. I want to learn how to live a life that doesn't tear my body, mind or spirit down. I want to learn how to go slow." I guess its like anything...practice, practice, practice. It does seem that life is faithful to give us many opportunities to make a different choice than the one we have consistently made in the past. Every day is a chance to do something new.

We recently attended a church service at "All Saints Church, in Queen Anne. http://www.believedoubtseek.org/
The pastor and his wife are friends of mine from when I attended Northwest University. I love and admire them so much for the work they are doing not just in Seattle but world wide. Unfortunately Bill wasn't there and we heard a guest speaker talking about relationships and I was thinking about what he shared that day. He spoke about Joseph and how he had a chance to forgive his brothers during the famine. He had a chance to make a different choice under really difficult circumstances. That moment where there is a big silence or pause and you can either extend forgiveness or extend punishment to those who have hurt us. I feel like God has pushed a huge "pause" button in my life during these last three years of illness and has been saying to me, "I'm giving you a chance to make a different choice." Deuteronomy 30: 19 says, "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him." It's so easy to get caught up in everyday life that we forget about the thoughts we think, the anger we hold on to, just watching the news...those things can suck the life right out of us. Every part of our being becomes bankrupt when we do not get up everyday and decide to "Choose Life". It's a choice I have to make when someone has hurt me deeply and all I want to do is hurt them back. Or, get wrapped up in fearful thinking all day about what might happen if I don't keep getting well. It's like cutting my own fuel line when I do that. There's no way I can keep up with all the leaks I am creating. The only way for me to heal, and live a long and healthy life is to make sure I am choosing to stay connected to the Author of Life and with others who are doing the same thing. My best friend and I pray twice a week and let me tell you, we both have kicked ourselves that we didn't do this consistently throughout our entire friendship. We have many times prayed together and have had seasons of gathering other women together to pray. But, this is the first season together that we have said, "No matter what...we must do this for our marriages, our families and for ourselves." The fruit we are reaping has blown us away. Has God answered every single one of our prayers...not yet. But, He has begun to change us...to slow us down and to learn how to trust and rest in him like never before. We laugh sometimes at the things we are believing God for. But, our motto is if we make a mistake...let us always err on the side of believing God. If we don't get an answer...well, that's an answer in itself. Or, we need to continue to persevere and never give up. Slowing down, making a choice to do and say things that bring life, and surrendering our time to Him is something I know I will look back on during these days of illness and be grateful for. I will never say that I'm thankful for getting sick, but I will always know that in God's economy He will never waste anything, He's always worth trusting, and He never breaks a promise.

God is Good!!!
Blessings, Tanya