I seem to be having a hard time articulating myself lately. Okay, you can laugh about that if you want. I know I can carry on a conversation with a piece of wood given the chance, but I mean to really talk about the stuff going on deep inside. The things I see happening in my home, neighborhood and the entire culture at large. Some things make me feel so great and warm and fuzzy, and other things leave me feeling like I've sat one too many minutes in the meat locker...cold and numb!
Right now I'm reading out of James. When ever I feel stuck and not sure what the Lord is requiring of me right now, I pop open that book and it never fails to give me some great reminders. The basics of life. Its really one of my favorite books because it seems to cover or shall I say "highlight" all the areas of my life that are in constant need of rehabilitation :-). Yep, I'm a rehaber! I always need reminding that in this world I will have trials and temptations...that I don't want to be THAT man in the mirror who looks at himself and then walks away promptly forgetting what he looks like...To NEVER play favorites (that's a good one in suburbia)...that its no good to have faith without deeds, why bother really...Taming the tongue is hard to do but imperative...That wisdom is first of all pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere...That I need to submit myself to God daily so that I will not find myself at odds with those around me because of needing to have my own way....Boasting about tomorrow is a huge no-no....That with money comes much responsibility...To be patient in suffering...To be a woman of confession... and the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Whew!!!! If God where to write only one book to give to us, this would be a handful all by itself.
I've been truly wanting to understand what God is expecting from me. How I can make the most of time here on earth to fulfill the purposes He has for me and my family. As my body begins to heal, my heart seems to get more soft. I see how badly we are all in need of a Savior and not one of us will get off this planet without pain and loss in our life. How desperately everyone is in need of feeling loved by something bigger than a human heart. And, to feel like they have NOT been abandoned during their most crucial hour. I know God has many ways of doing this...sometimes its through supporting each other, sometimes its just through God's peace that surpasses all understanding. But, as I begin to brush shoulders with more and more people again, I can't help but feel so struck by the emptiness in people's eyes. The eyes are certainly a window to the soul and more than one person has told me that I have that "sparkle" back in my own. When I really take the time to look into someones soul, even though it may be hard to do, I realize that God does the same thing to me every day. He looks at those places I don't want anyone to see. It's too painful to let anyone in there. But, its in letting each other in, being honest and vulnerable, allowing God to touch those places we work so hard to hide...that we begin to get that "sparkle" back. We're able to have the energy and strength to pass that on to others. By sharing the truth of God's love, and believing in His power, walking it out with faith and deeds, not blessing and cursing with the same mouth, confessing our sins one to another, and allowing our trials to not only touch us...but to touch others. That's revival my friend. That's how people get off the roller coaster of pain and loneliness and then go out into the world to share the good news. The bible says in Isaiah 42: 6-7 "I the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free the captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness." That's who Jesus is for us, and that's what we need to let people know who are captive and sitting alone in darkness. That there is an abundant life available and it looks different for everyone. Knowing we have a God who cares about our every need.
I pray that in our busy lives we stop and remind ourselves what God is expecting of us. That's what I'm doing for myself right now. As we encounter those who seem to enjoy their place in this world rather than their time here, let's turn a heart filled with love to them. Let's not allow ourselves to chase after an empty existence, and remember that we were created for so much more! But, the only way to achieve this, I believe, is to be filled with the Creator.
God is good!!!
Blessings, Tanya
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