Every time I think things are going to calm down, I get an e-mail, or a phone call of someone wanting something lately. Not that I mind, except that it's time to go back to the medicinal drawing board and deal with some stuff and I'm having a hard time clearing my calendar. Next week is going to particularly busy and so I'm looking at it as my last big push until after the holidays.
This summer and fall has been nice because I decided to take a doctor-break and not go so hard with the treatments. I've been sort of dipping my toes in the water which is keeping me afloat. But, reality is here and I know that unless I really get serious this may drag on for quite a while. So, I'm starting to give everyone the heads-up that I may be going underground for the first three weeks of November. I'm hoping that by doing so, it will give me some more ground before the holidays. It would be nice to have a bit more stamina and energy before its that time again.
I am still having a hard time articulating my needs to people these days, and not pushing myself too hard. I know I look better and of course I feel better. But, its hard to detect just from seeing me when I have hit the wall and need to pull back. I think my husband is the only one who has mastered the signs which show that the battery pack just ran out of juice. I've spent my whole life making sure I didn't need anyone's help, and that I was quite fine thank you very much. Now that my limits are much tighter I do find myself needing help but not sure what kind of help. I am still saying "yes" to many things that I don't necessarily enjoy doing and don't really have the band-width for. Please don't read too much into this. If you have known me for a while then this doesn't apply to you. This only applies to people that I don't know very well and don't understand my situation. I still have this need to appear "normal" and put together to the outside world of strangers which is really ridiculous if you think about it. What do they care anyway?
So, my goals for the first three weeks of November are to keep those weeks clear of any extra stuff...up my meds considerably to see if I can finally put a dent in this candida...get more rest, write more and just keep things in better balance. Hey, that sounds like something I should be doing all the time :-). Maybe I can just keep rolling with that agenda for the rest of the year and see if it helps me make some bigger strides. We'll see.
God is good!!
Blessings, Tanya
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