Relationships - How much they mean...

I've been doing more and more thinking about my friendships these last many years. I think I probably always have given it a lot of thought my whole life. I'm the girl who easily forgave and always had the disease to please no matter how much it hurt. I know many other women who struggle with the same thing. But no matter what, we still long to grow our friendships into healthy long-lasting relationships.

I did a little looking in the Bible to see what God had to say about friendships. Given the fact that He is the creator of the ultimate friend, Jesus, I know that what He has to say will be more accurate than my feelings could ever be.

So here is a list of a few:
Proverbs 16:28 "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 17:9 "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends."
Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times."
Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Proverbs 27:6 "Wounds from a close friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

And the one I need to learn... Proverbs 12:26 "A righteous man is cautious in friendship..."

I'll step right up to the front of the line and say I have made so many mistakes in the area of friendship. I've withheld information when I should have shared it and I've shared information when I should have withheld it. I've over-invested and under-invested. I've been misunderstood and I have misunderstood others. I have bailed out of friendships that I couldn't handle, and I've had friends bail out on me. I have tried to go back over the years and apologize and set things "right" and tried to go forward and do better the next time.

But, even through all the mess-ups and disappointments and let-downs the one constant is that I still dearly love being in relationship with people. My world feels the happiest when all wheels are turning as they should in my home and in my friendships. I'm the Rodney King of the neighborhood saying, "Can't we all just get along?" Life is painfully short to be at odds with our friends, or with anyone. And, yet it still happens. Someone still says something that stings, or doesn't understand the decisions we have to make in life at times or struggles to help us in our time of need. But, God is still God and He is still the creator of relationships. He created us to be in relationship. That's one of the main reasons of church...fellowship. To be strengthened by one another. And, the truth is that we need healthy relationships to grow.

If there is one lesson these last many years of being sick have taught me is that friends can literally save our lives. The women God has brought into my life now for this season of my life give more to me than they can ever know. And, the whole point of sharing this is that if you feel like your life doesn't impact people...well...somewhere you have believed a lie because we impact each other greatly. I wonder if we have been immobilized on some level by watching these grand reality shows where they come in and make HUGE changes for people what seems like overnight. But, for the rest of us, relationships and life is built one day at a time, one phone call, one card, one quick get-together for a cup of coffee or just stopping by to say "hello". Reminding people that even through the business of all the things we have to do, that someone else matters to us.

I pray that we as women can lift each other up to a higher place, cheer each other on for accomplishments great and small, pray for each other because for some of us we may be the only person praying for our friend. Reminding each other of the gifts God has placed in all of us because the world does a good enough job of trying to tear us apart. Doing our best to not judge, especially based on appearances and remembering we are all one step away from falling from grace.

Healing can take many forms in us and many different journey's. Rarely does it every look the same for each person. To heal a broken heart from a painful relationship is like breathing fresh air into a dank room. To heal one's body also requires healing our hearts from those places where we feel lost, forgotten about or alone. I love the movie "Lilo and Stitch" where they are always talking about "Ohana"..."No one gets left behind." Those of us who are farther ahead on the journey need to reach back and help those who are still making their way. And, to know that no matter how great a friend we are, we can always learn more about how to do it better.

So, thank you to all my friends who have held my hand during this season of my life. For those of you who keep encouraging me along the way to never give up. And, to those friends who have the gift of leading me by your own example I am forever grateful.

God is good!
Blessings, Tanya