TRYING NOT TO COME OUT OF MY SKIN!

That title isn't totally about the election results. Some of it is because this world we are living in doesn't feel good draped around my body at times. I literally feel like I'm shedding layers of skin right now or should I say they are being peeled away. Peeled away is more accurate because its not a pain-free process. The only thing that gives me comfort is that I am not alone in that feeling.

What's eating away at me?

1.) How we handle our time.
2.) What we invest our time, money and thoughts in.
3.) What we are teaching our children about what's REALLY important.
4.) How to get off this train that is headed straight for a mountain that is without a tunnel.
5.) Why can't we talk about these things more????
6.) Being a true light in a very dark world.

I say "we" but I really mean "me".

I just want to start the dialogue with people. Like, "How is your family able to do so many activities where you and your spouse are going in opposite directions all the time and still keeping your marriage and family connection in place?" Or, "Do we see our church as a place to serve us, or a place where we can learn to serve?" I say, "learn to serve", because many people may be serving, but not with their spiritual gifts. Or, it's one more thing they "should be doing". "Is it healthy when our children are trying to "keep up with Johnny on his AWANA badges, or Cub Scout badges" yet missing the whole reason for the exercises. Is there really a heart change happening with our children or are we more interested in them getting great grades and behaving appropriately? Not that there is anything wrong with those things, until we neglect their hearts truly being shaped. Why pump them with Bible verses if we don't teach them how to apply the information in such a way that changes who they fundamentally are...or who we are praying that they become. Does my family really know what our "purpose" is? Do you believe that your family has a purpose? Are we willing to make the sacrifices for the purpose to be realized? Or, is it to inconvenient? Arrrrggg!!!! I'm asking myself these questions every single day right now.

These are all the things I'm asking myself...and have been for many, many years. But, just like everyone else I often feel so exhausted from going against the stream that I just give in and "go with the flow". Often feeling like I'm depriving my children of the great American experience if I say "no" to some things. And, even though I know in my heart that it may not be the best thing for my family.

My friend shared on his blog some six points of what the church needs to be asking itself. One of his questions was this..."Would my neighborhood/city miss our church if it were no longer existing in the neighborhood?" And, my response to that question is with another one..."Would my neighborhood/city/school miss me if I were no longer existing in those areas?...am I taking up space or leaving a footprint? And, that doesn't mean I am chairman of every committee...it means, am I investing in people's lives to such a point that they see Jesus, that they see God's love and has it made their lives better for it? Does it make them get excited in a world where fear is the norm right now? Am I doing that in my home and outside of my home? Do people really know that I love them and care about them or do I spend my time with other just talking about my own problems without listening to theirs? Being a source of hope when so many feel hopeless and powerless. Do I make assumptions about other people's lives without knowing them personally?

Okay, I'll stop there for now. Honestly, I am spinning around with all these thoughts in my head and desperately want to know the answer or be the answer. I don't want to take up space and focus on things that will just fall apart and break down. I want other's to want that same thing. Barak Obama can talk about change all he wants...and he may bring about some good change and some change we didn't want. But, he is not the one who will truly change this country. It's up to each and every one of us individually asking ourselves hard questions, talking to other people about it and seeking solutions to the problems. It's mother's sitting around the table having tea or coffee and saying, "This isn't working for me...or this really works for me." It's dad's chatting at the bus stops and being honest about their own challenges. It's pastors having a clear vision in how to reach out to those who hurting and barely hanging on in their lives...

There's nothing easy about any of these things. And, I don't know if I will fully live up to my own desire to make these things a reality...certainly not in my own strength. But, God says with Him all things are possible and so I have to take Him at his word. If I fail, I will try to get up and start over again...if my friends fail, I pray that I will help pick them up and not look at them with judgement knowing I just dusted off my own knees about an hour ago.

I will try to live by the motto of "Progress, not Perfection" and learn how to take one baby step a day knowing that there is a lot at stake when I give up. Knowing there may be set-backs, but being thankful that God has given me another sunrise to turn that set-back into a celebration.

I pray that you will ask yourself these same questions...dig deep with me because I hate doing this stuff alone. And know that God says "Do not become weary of doing good because in the right time you will receive a reward." I know His rewards are better than any I could receive here on earth. In God we Trust!

God is Good and I mean that!
Blessings, Tanya