March 23, 2008 Easter Sunday

I once visited a church years ago during Easter and they had this tradition of the pastor saying, "He has risen!" And, the congregation would reply, "He has risen Indeed!". I often find myself saying those phrases in my head when I feel frustrated and not sure what to think about the current circumstance at the moment. This morning was definitely one of those times. It just worked out that the hardest time of the month for me came today and I watched again as my family went out the door to church as the dog and I looked at each other in disbelief. Here I am again.

Today I was angry and definitely decided to let my feelings be known to God that this was not a good idea. I rattled of my questions and concerns about the toll this was taking on my family, our ability to build Godly tradition, and strengthen us as a unit. It just doesn't make sense to me and I really want it to. I'm ready to be "all the way well", as my son always says. I felt like I was banging against prison walls again and I hate that feeling. "I don't want to do this anymore!", I complained.

For the last week I've been reading through Exodus and Numbers shaking my head at the Israelites for being so "stiff-necked" as God calls them. I'm thinking, "Come on, He keeps delivering you, but as soon as time goes by and you get a little uncomfortable, you start complaining, whining, murmuring, worshiping idols, making poor choices. What's up with that? How can you forget what He just did back there with that sweet move of parting the Red Sea, or food falling from the sky, or guiding you with Pillars of Fire, or Pillars of Smoke. If God did that for me, there's no way I would doubt Him. That's incredible" So, is it any less great that God revealed Himself to me as a teen-ager in a family who hadn't actively pursued their faith since I was like five years old? Is it less amazing that He kept me safe more times than I count while fishing in rough water, or putting myself in dangerous situations as a very naive young woman? How about taking care of me and healing my heart after losing my mom, or my marriage? How about when I was about to have a needle biopsy done and I put my faith in Him to deliver me from that...and He did? Miracles are happening all around us, but if it doesn't happen a certain way, or in a certain time frame then the complaining starts, doesn't it? We get impatient and frustrated. Well, I know I do so I'll raise my hand to that one. But what if sometimes its for our very own protection? Exodus 24:29-30 says, "But I will not drive them out in a single year because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land." I've been chewing on this verse for awhile now. I've wondered for a long time why God has been healing me "little by little" rather than it happening all at once? What in my life needs to increase enough for me to take possession of the "land" He has in mind for me? I'm not sure, but I'm asking the question and curious to know the answer. And, for sure I have to believe that its for my own protection that He doesn't just release me into a place that has things in it that could possibly overtake me. I have to grow into it. And, just maybe this illness is helping me to stretch my heart beyond what I normally would with my full health. So, in the meantime I have to trust that He will protect that which concerns me...my family, my marriage, my friendships, my very life.

So, back to my complaining...as I was laying out my anxious thoughts before Him I felt led to open my Streams in the Desert devotional. I won't repeat it all here, but I'll give you the main point. It was from 1 Chronicles 26:27 "Out of the spoils won in battle did they dedicate to maintain the house of the Lord." The devotional part goes on to say, "Someday we shall find that the spoils we have won from our trials were just preparing us to become true "Great Hearts" in the Pilgrims Process, and to lead our fellow pilgrims triumphantly through trial to the city of the King. But let us never forget that the source of helping other people must be victorious suffering. The whining, murmuring pang never does anybody and good." OUCH! Let me tell you, I felt God's hand on the back of my neck as if a college professor is reminding his students to please make sure you use "spell-check" after writing your papers on a Word document. Basically....we should no better at this point in our lives. There's nothing left to say at this point except its time to rejoice and be glad. Rejoice because today we celebrate that Jesus has risen from the dead and you can rejoice from anywhere. Church or home...it doesn't matter. What matters is that we celebrate this truth. And, that we learn to pray through times of difficulty rather than complain...This afternoon my new conversation with Him sounds more like this..."Lord, help me this day to draw strength from all that comes my way."

God is good!

Blessings, Tanya