Time flies when you are having fun and not laying in bed watching the second hand make its way around the clock. This summer is cruising by and I can tell by the date of my last entry I'm having way too much fun out in the sun. Well, as much fun as a girl can with a sluggish thyroid and minimal cortisol levels :-). But, here I am again. Back to document the latest part of this journey which always has more twists and turns than I know what to do with. It just goes to show what a waste of time it is to sit and worry about things or try to plan every detail because God always has something else in mind.
We spent a week over in Eastern Washington visiting my brother and his family, my awesome cousin Heidi and then took a 12 hour drive to "drop in" to a family reunion. That last part wasn't really well thought out...but nevertheless...we did it anyway.
The first day in Spokane my brother had offered to have Whitney come to his job and meet some of the Advertising employees . They were so great. He set up times for her to meet with several people who gave her great ideas for colleges she should consider and the importance of focusing in on one specific area down the road. She is considering digital design as a future career which seems to suit her creative nature very well. I thought that was so great of my brother to invest in her that way. Way cool. Thanks bro'. Later that night we had dinner with his family and it was a big "Cousin Fest". Everyone getting caught up and getting right into some Polly Pocket play time, riding four-wheelers and other fun games.
The next day Bob and I watched all eight kids...(Yes, eight kids between my kids and his kids)...while my brother and his wife took Whitney to play nine holes of golf. It was nice to be able to give my brother that time out with his wife and also for Whitney to sneak in some practice time. The rest of the day was getting caught up with more family and then back to our hotel for some R&R. The following day we spent with my cousin Heidi at the water park in Spokane. What great fun the kids had. It was more "Cousin Fest" with her two kids and my cousin Mike's son. I was in heaven getting caught up with Heidi and having some serious girl time. I miss her terribly as she is more like a sister to me than a cousin. I do wish we lived closer so that we could raise our kids together and enjoy more time hanging out. When I'm with Heidi and her family, I laugh so hard. Its like such a burst of joy and some of the most serious belly laughing that I've ever experienced. I left feeling so refreshed and couldn't believe how well I felt that day. I was shaking my head, like, "Wow, how could this be?"
The next day we met up with my brother and his family and started our 14 hour day to Pocatello, Idaho. The drive there wasn't bad until we arrived at the hotel. I got some food poisoning and spent part of the evening praying to the "Porcelain god". It was pretty miserable. But, I was so thankful it didn't hit me until we got to the hotel. I can't imagine sitting in a van and having to go through all of that. God was very merciful :-). Luckily I felt well enough to go to the reunion the next day and had some nice conversations with my grandma's three sisters. Unfortunately, my grandma is in Chile living out her final days so she was unable to make it. But, it was important to me to go make those connections even though it may be for the last time. I heard some very funny stories about my mom as a teenager which I'm not sure she would have been so happy for me to hear about. Well, for me, I just soaked it all in because nothing brings me greater joy than watching people light up as they tell stories about my mom and her crazy antics. She was truly an amazing woman. Anyway, we packed up one last time and headed out the next morning at 7:30 a.m. and finally arrived back to Seattle by 9:00 p.m. What a haul. We were all ready to be home and in our beds again.
I was incredibly surprised at how well I did on this trip. The biggest challenge I had was staying hydrated. Part of it was that I didn't want to hold up the driving progress by hitting all those fun rest stops for pee breaks, but the other part was just going from this cool climate over to a much drier air. I know that some of the signs of dehydration are pretty obvious...thirst, dry lips, fatigue, crankiness...all very fun when combined with a full car of kids and nothing but prairie land stretched out in front of you. Which made me think about the fact that I also started to feel spiritually dehydrated. Being on the road for seven days was great and I loved every minute with my family. But, trying to reverse the signs of the spiritual drought proved to be much more difficult than one would think. I was missing my bedroom...my place of refuge that allows me that time to reflect on things that are working and work on those things that aren't. To listen and just be still is something I've taken for granted with being in bed these last couple years. I found myself feeling frustrated at times that there was no place for me to steal away and be alone.
Since being home I felt this instant exhaustion overwhelm me. It once again begs the question, "Is this house making me sick...or is this climate making me sick...or did I just over do it and not realize it?" I don't have those answers and have been too tired to even care. Today was actually the first day I felt like some small return of energy and desire to even try to get out of bed. It's also the first day that I have been able to really press into God and find out what I've been missing this last couple weeks. The feedback was interesting and showed how deep my dehydration has been. I've read that once you feel thirsty that dehydration has already set in. So, its happening before you even physically realize it. I think that happens to us spiritually too. It makes me wonder what areas I'm neglecting and causing harm to my growth without even realizing it. I started to see that part of my drought may be because I've been constantly asking God to "deliver me from this, or answer that prayer, or I need help with this thing." I'm always thinking, scheming, dissecting, analyzing how I can fix my situation, get out of my situation or get through it as quickly as possible. I rarely ask God to show me "how to get through" my circumstances, how to just be where I am and still serve God with a pure heart. Or to just rejoice and be glad that this is the day the Lord has made.
As my best friend and I began our prayer time we both seemed to be in the same place. I love that about our friendship because God seems to allow our lives to parallel each other. We believe it helps us keep each other accountable. So, today we started over. We decided, just as Abraham decided to lay Isaac on the alter and trust God with his son, to let go of the things we have been fervently praying over for such a long time and trust that God is more than capable of handling these things. To get out of His way and let Him do His job. I seem to spend a lot of time asking God why things are taking so long, and yet won't get out of His way so that He can actually do something about it.
My devotional said this today, "If you go to Him to be guided, He will guide you; but He will not comfort your distrust or half-trust of Him by showing you the chart of all His purposes concerning you. He will show you only into a way where, if you will go cheerfully and trustfully forward, He will show you on even farther." (Horace Bushnell).
It didn't take long to see why I had been so thirsty spiritually. It wasn't because I didn't have time to get alone necessarily. Had I just spent more time on that drive handing things over rather than trying to figure things out, I think the result would have been much different. Just being able to put on the garment of praise for all that God has done and is still doing would have allowed me to fill up with living water rather than pouring dust into my mouth. As I shared with my best friend..."Me alone with my thoughts for 1200 miles is not a good thing."
It has certainly proven to be a very reflective three weeks. I got more than I bargained for physically and spiritually. Just when I thought God wasn't doing anything in me lately, I get this big bang over the top of my head and see how much I've been missing. Can I learn to be content in every situation? Can I really learn how to fully put those things on the alter and not pick them back up again? Is it realistic to really be able to rejoice in every circumstance even when you feel miserable and can't lift your head off the pillow? I believe the answer is absolutely YES. Partly because I've read about Paul doing it while in chains, Jesus doing it while waiting to be led to the cross and John being sent to Patmos in his final years. But, it certainly isn't going to happen over night. And, it will require some diligence on my part. And, even though I have much to learn, the rewards no doubt will stretch into eternity...I can't think of a better thing to pursue in one's life than that of developing a spirit that will live forever with the one who created it!!!
God is good!
Blessings, Tanya
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