Yesterday we had a wonderful 4th of July. I had been praying for awhile that the Lord would give me enough energy this summer to have our home bustling with friends and family again. I just didn't realize it would come so quickly. We had neighbors, old friends, new friends, family...it was filled with so much laughter and lots of praising God for what He has done in our life. It felt good to be surrounded with people who have seen first hand how far I've come in my healing and recognize that it truly was God's touch. I spent the first half of the day cooking and getting everything ready...took my two hour power nap...and then geared up for the rest of the evening that went well past everyone's bed time. The kids and "kids disguised as men" :-) enjoyed setting off a great fireworks show which was extra big this year with the rest of the neighborhood joining it. It was quite a sight.
Healing for me continues to come in waves and in different forms. I still over-do it at times just because I so enjoy the time with my kids and doing fun things with them this summer. And, I try to embrace the set-backs as a reminder that God still wants control of my entire day...not just what I want to give Him. Sometimes our gifts come wrapped in the most unusual ways, don't they? It's having the eyes to see it's God knocking softly at our door and the stillness of heart to hear it. I would love to say I hear Him every time, but the truth is I'm still developing and working on this area of my life. And, probably always will be. It's the desire to get to the point where I can hear His footsteps approaching my door before He ever knocks. Having that intimacy of knowing His shoes from every other sound in my head...
Even as I write this today, I know there are people reading this who are struggling for many different reasons. Some in a similar situation as I am, others with completely different challenges. We all have seasons of being in the wilderness. Just the name alone evokes pictures of rugged terrain, isolation, fear of what's out there that we can't yet see, vulnerability, and loneliness to just name a few. But, also the wilderness can be a place of rest. You cease struggling against everything because you are now in a place that is so completely unfamiliar that you must finally allow God to show you step-by-step the way home. And, during that journey you will sit with Him by the fire to keep warm & safe, talk about all the things that went "wrong" that led you to this place or how you were "unjustly" dropped off out there without your consent. Either way, we have to start seeing Jesus sitting there with us, leading us home. If we change the picture in my minds from us being alone in what ever our circumstances are to realizing that we have the One who created us and loves us more than anyone right there 24/7...it completely changes the outcome of the story. It changes everything. Our time in the wilderness can be either the best thing that has ever happened to us, or it can destroy us. We were made for more than that. God certainly didn't want our purpose to be cut short by a trip to rugged territory...it can be used to prepare us for even greater things. I myself have a hard time with God's word that says that we shall do even greater things than He did. It's hard to imagine that. But, if Jesus said, then it must be true. I pray that every difficulty that comes my way, will be met with belief that my God is a good God. He allows things to come into my life and can take anything broken and battered and make it beautiful again. Even this body that has been through a lot. I realize now how our circumstances can destort the truth because we are so human and struggle so hard to want to understand everything. It was nearly impossible for me to believe at one point that I would ever be well again. I say "nearly" because I did leave a tiny little window for God to do His work in me. But, for many months it was my family and a few Godly friends who kept my vision for me. They would remind me that God had not left me and was holding my hand. We all need someone like that in our life. To hold our vision for us while we are in such a dark pit at times. It doesn't mean we have given up or don't believe that God will rescue us. It just means that we have lost our ability for a time to see the possibilities as clearly as everyone else. It's like they are our "seeing-eye dogs"...if you will. Its at these times that I really understand why God created community, why He has brought certain people into our lives at that time and how important it is when we are well to be that for others. It can be a life-line.
I don't know any great medical treatments that will make people well. I don't even know if it has mattered at all at the things I have taken to get well. I don't know why some people heal and others do not. And, I do not think I am more blessed than someone who has not yet received their healing. I myself am not completely well and have far to go. I just know that more than healing...more than riches...more than anything else...God just wants us to be close to Him. To spend time at His feet the way Martha did and choose "the good thing." It is good to be still, to wait and to listen. Even if it is in a dry and weary land. He is there.
Psalm 91:4 NLT
He will shield you with his wings.
He will shelter you with his feathers.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
God is good!!!
Blessings, Tanya
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