July 11, 2008

First, I have to wish my husband a very Happy Birthday today. I think he had a good day, although he is at a BBQ right now with the kids so I'll find out more later. I'm too wiped out to tag along this time. He and a couple of friends also went and played some golf earlier today and I'm hoping it gets him excited to play more often. He so deserves to be having more fun these days. We are also praising God for a recent promotion at his company. It's so amazing to see God bless him for his faithfulness & devotion to this family and for all of his hard work.

As I shared before, I'm missing out on a BBQ with our friends whom I so dearly love to spend time with. But, I could tell yesterday that if I didn't slow down soon I was going to be in big trouble. I was initially feeling myself get that pit of discouragement in my stomach and want to go running down "Sorry for Me" lane, but instead God's timing has pulled me up by my boot straps. He knew exactly what I needed to hear. Turning to 2nd Corinthians 1:8-9 (NLT) I found myself smack in the middle of a favorite passage..."I think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and completely overwhelmed, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact we expected to die. But as a result, we learned not to rely on ourselves, but on God who can raise the dead." The NIV translation states part of this verse as..."we were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure..." Can I hear a hearty "AMEN" from the crowd? How many times are we living out circumstances where it feels like its just too much? We can't take any more and its way beyond our own human abilities to keep it all together and survive one more minute. I mean, God-bless the people who can't relate to this at all. I'm thankful for that in your life and God is doing amazing things through you in other ways. But, for others, who like Paul are being literally brought to the brink of death emotionally and/or physically...we need to know our God can raise us up from the dead. He can bring us back and put our feet on solid ground again. Not only that, but also learning through the process that every weakness in our life gives God a chance to show his strength.

I have had my days where I "expected to die" and had to make peace with all of those feelings. It's not something that was easily done. So, when I rejoice about grocery shopping or trivial every day things, its really me saying that I truly feel resurrected. However, having days like yesterday and today where I'm dragging myself through, reminds me that I have to stop relying on myself and to rely on God. Not as a crutch, but as a way of life that gives our Creator much glory. By continually trying to do everything in my own strength, it puts me back to that place of being overwhelmed and on the brink of death in some form or another. By the way, I don't know how you go about relying on God during your day, but for me I'm still figuring those things out. The early report on my findings is that it involves far more patience than I'm comfortable exerting. Waiting to see what may come of something that I feel inclined to jump in and take care of. Knee-jerk reactions to certain situations that would probably work themselves out if I were to give it an hour or two. Allowing other people to solve some of their own issues rather than trying to "fix it" for them. That's just to name a few. It reminds me of the old adage, "Don't work hard, work smart!" Or, "Don't get in God's way and you won't be so exhausted!" That last one was mine :-).

I would say that I feel pretty sad and disappointed with myself that my Lord has had to bring me to the brink at different times to learn these lessons of relying on Him and not myself...except that Paul had to go through it too so it makes me feel a little better :-). If Paul had to learn it then surely I should not be surprised or sad to be going through a similar lesson. Clearly it is a necessary part of growing up in God.

As for all of these trying circumstances that push me to the point of feeling "crushed and overwhelmed"? To quote a section from "The Smart Guide to the Bible" discussing Philippians 4:12-13...."The trouble with difficult circumstances is that they seem to rob us of our freedom of choice. The slave can't go where he wishes; the cripple can't run and jump. Paul, however, is content in any and every situation. He simply doesn't let circumstances bother him." Oh, how I wish I could say I'm there. I know its possible and I will keep working in that direction. I know that if the same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in me, then surely I can weather these storms one day at a time. In plenty of energy or in want of energy...I can be content in all circumstances through Christ.

God is Good!
Blessings, Tanya