Several months back I wrote a list about some things I know for sure. As time marches on I have continued to add to that list. But, I've also started a new one..."some things I don't quite know for sure."
Its easy to talk about the things you know and we all love to share that information, and as my friends can testify, I am one of those people. It can be, however, more difficult to admit the things we don't quite have the answers to but desperately wish we did. I always wish I knew what to say to a friend who is struggling emotionally, physically or spiritually. That's a time when everything within me wants to say the right thing that will bring hope, maybe a laugh, or just help them hold on for another minute. And, there are times that I am praying someone can say those things to me. I have many questions for myself that I have been waiting a long time for the answers to.
2007 held many moments of pure desperation for me. Desperately needing to know if I would ever drive again, attend my children's functions, or even just have a full day where I didn't struggle with every move I made. I spent many days laying here asking a lot of questions and not getting many answers. But, somewhere through all of that came a decision. A decision that I didn't have to know everything and that I had to start letting go of the outcome of everything I did. I have always suffered from analysis paralysis and to stop holding on so tightly to the question AND the answer allowed me to take some risks that I believe helped me take a huge leap forward in my health. Like going to California to see a new doctor. That was a huge risk, that involved our whole family and a lot of finances to get down there, meet with him for two days and then drive home. Once I decided that it didn't matter if he helped me or not, that I just needed to go, everything else fell into place.
I also had to start listening and trusting my own instincts that I believe God has placed in all of us. That quiet still voice that says, "This is the way, walk in it." By doing this I started doing a better job at what supplements to take (or not take), when to rest and when to get moving. I am trying to leave the outcome alone. And, also to realize that every thought I think has a direct impact on my body. There is so much that we don't have control over in this world...of which I'm glad. On the flip side, there is some very powerful things that we do have control over. The Bible says to "take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ." I will confess this is no easy task for me since my mind goes 90 miles an hour. However, by stopping the constant analysis of trying to figure out the problem or ruminating over things constantly, it has allowed my body more time to heal, more time to rest. And, as a friend and I were discussing over e-mail the other day...eventually God will reveal the answer if we will just be still and wait long enough.
Right now I'm learning new boundaries all over again. Boundaries in relationships, in my energy levels, and in my own heart. Learning to say, "I don't know!", or "This relationship is too draining.", has been very difficult for me. I would much rather be the person who has the right thing to say at just the right moment. I am realizing now that by setting these boundaries, it pushes me more OUT of the picture and allows God to be more IN the picture. It gives Him the chance to reveal the answer to the questions and to be the healer, provider, comforter.
I know all of this has been God's lesson to me about walking forward without knowing the final destination. The truth is, I know where my "Final Destination" is, so everything else is just the gravy. Letting go, changing the way I think, finding joy in my day no matter what my situation, continuing to practice forgiveness and practicing saying..."I don't know yet.", has the potential for allowing us to reap amazing rewards.
I look back over 2007 and I'm grateful for the things I know for sure. These things are my anchor, my foundation that allows me to move through this world without getting blown around. But, allowing myself to say out loud that "I don't know the answer yet" opens up a whole new opportunity too. So, I am grateful for both.
Heading into 2008 our family will put together our customary "Goals for the Year" list. They may or may not come to fruition, but we love to write them down and then read them over again at the end of the year. There is not one person who can say right now that they know what this new year will bring. But, its okay. That's exciting and a little scary at the same time. Even though we don't have the answers, or even know the questions at this point...its still okay to have a vision or a dream or a desire. I'm still believing that as each day passes, my body gets stronger - emotionally, physically and spiritually, my children grow closer to God and my marriage takes deeper roots. Those are the only things that really matter and that I know for sure!!!!
God is Good!
Blessings, Tanya
December 25, 2007
December 24, 2007
Gore Christmas Letter
Dear Friends and Family,
I have to say that I’m looking forward to seeing 2007 go by and to greet 2008 with a much healthier body. We have had a very up and down year, but are very grateful that we have been able to get through it all together. Even though there were times that it felt like we were all going in five different directions, at the end of the day we always came back together feeling closer and more connected than before.
I think our most memorable time this summer was going over to Wenatchee and staying with our friends Kevin and Lynn. What amazing friends they are and I don’t think they realized how they helped breathe new life into our home. We haven’t been able to do much because of my health and so to go spend time with them and let our kids play was truly a blessing. Whitney and I had a three-day Scrabble tournament to which I lost. And, we made quite a spectacle of ourselves driving Kevin’s big truck to Old Navy for school shopping. I guess I’m not as much of a “trucker chick” these days. I can’t remember a time when we laughed more. All three of the kids spent one day at the water park in Chelan and all came home exhausted and happy. What a great combination.
School was here before we knew it. Whitney started her freshman year at Snohomish High School and has been having a great year so far. She is in the beginning of her basketball season and after having an incredible first game, earned herself a starting position. She is taking several honors classes and I’m always worried about how she is going to handle the extra school work but she always seems to adjust and let’s me know that she “has everything under control”. She’s determined to maintain her 3.8 GPA with hopes of getting in to the college of her dreams. We have been having so much fun together this year and I’m enjoying every minute of it.
Sydney is in 1st grade and really catching on to this reading thing. She joined her first outdoor soccer team and now says it’s her favorite sport. Anyone who knows Sydney knows that she is a ball of pure energy and joy. I’ve never met a child who gets up so perky and ready to meet the day. She attended her first Nutcracker with her Grandma Irene. She dressed to the 9’s and came back with so much to tell. The glamour and the drama were right up her alley!!! She has lost six teeth in the last three months and is losing that little girl face. So sad! But, watching her grow in her confidence and see her doing things that she is really passionate about has been super rewarding. She is definitely the artist in the family and spends countless hours drawing. One of her drawings from last year was chosen to go into the Snohomish School District Calendar so of course we had to get a few extra’s to hang up around the house J.
Spencer started Kindergarten this fall. He loves every minute of it and has made some great friends. Because he sees Sydney reading her own books now, he has put the pedal to the metal and is working hard to catch her. In the last couple months after watching a movie about kids playing baseball he hauled out his ball and glove and started throwing some “heaters”. We were quite surprised at his ability to throw and catch so well. He has recruited everyone he knows to play including his grandma. If you come through our door, be prepared to put on the glove. Today we took him in to have his adenoids out which, for a parent, is always nerve wracking. But, he was so brave and so endearing to the nurses. We could literally hear them outside our curtained room bantering about who would get to take care of him. One nurse thanked him profusely for being so amiable and fun as we heard one scared little boy screaming for his mom while going to have the same procedure done. We were grateful that he came through the whole procedure safe and sound.
Bob is doing great. He has been working at Premera going on three years now and has a great team to work with. He received an Outstanding Employee Award this fall of which we were really proud of him. I only mention this because he has been like a single-dad these last couple years doing everything from taking the kids to the dentist, to getting me to all my doctor’s appointments. So, to receive this award on top of running every part of our household was pretty amazing. And, he does it all without a complaint. Right now he is a part of the Watch DOG program at Sydney and Spencer’s school. It’s a program for dad’s to volunteer at the school in just about every way you can imagine. He does this every Friday and is really enjoying himself. This summer he was also able to hike Mt. St. Helen’s for the third time with his friends from college. It was in memory of a friend who passed away over a year ago and what a great way to honor him.
We also received some great news that my brother and his family are moving to Spokane. He is actually already there working, and his wife and kids are back in Minnesota waiting for their house to sell. The last time my brother and I lived in the same state was back in high school, so this is really fun for me. I am looking forward to our two families having more time together and making the holiday’s loud and crazy J!!!!
As for my progress, I am honestly amazed at how far I’ve come this year. I have to give thanks to all of you who have prayed without ceasing for my recovery. One of my goals was not to miss one of Whitney’s home games, and as of right now I’ve made it to all of them including all of the away games as well. What a huge blessing that we can go as a family and cheer her on. My next goal is to see how I do getting back to church. I can’t wait to do that as a family again too. I am looking forward to 2008 being filled with continued health, more family time and a chance to reconnect with those we have not seen in a long time.
We hope to see as many of you as possible in 2008 and that this letter finds you all healthy and enjoying the holiday season.
Many Blessings,
Bob, Tanya, Whitney, Sydney, Spencer and Buddy-the-dog!!!
I have to say that I’m looking forward to seeing 2007 go by and to greet 2008 with a much healthier body. We have had a very up and down year, but are very grateful that we have been able to get through it all together. Even though there were times that it felt like we were all going in five different directions, at the end of the day we always came back together feeling closer and more connected than before.
I think our most memorable time this summer was going over to Wenatchee and staying with our friends Kevin and Lynn. What amazing friends they are and I don’t think they realized how they helped breathe new life into our home. We haven’t been able to do much because of my health and so to go spend time with them and let our kids play was truly a blessing. Whitney and I had a three-day Scrabble tournament to which I lost. And, we made quite a spectacle of ourselves driving Kevin’s big truck to Old Navy for school shopping. I guess I’m not as much of a “trucker chick” these days. I can’t remember a time when we laughed more. All three of the kids spent one day at the water park in Chelan and all came home exhausted and happy. What a great combination.
School was here before we knew it. Whitney started her freshman year at Snohomish High School and has been having a great year so far. She is in the beginning of her basketball season and after having an incredible first game, earned herself a starting position. She is taking several honors classes and I’m always worried about how she is going to handle the extra school work but she always seems to adjust and let’s me know that she “has everything under control”. She’s determined to maintain her 3.8 GPA with hopes of getting in to the college of her dreams. We have been having so much fun together this year and I’m enjoying every minute of it.
Sydney is in 1st grade and really catching on to this reading thing. She joined her first outdoor soccer team and now says it’s her favorite sport. Anyone who knows Sydney knows that she is a ball of pure energy and joy. I’ve never met a child who gets up so perky and ready to meet the day. She attended her first Nutcracker with her Grandma Irene. She dressed to the 9’s and came back with so much to tell. The glamour and the drama were right up her alley!!! She has lost six teeth in the last three months and is losing that little girl face. So sad! But, watching her grow in her confidence and see her doing things that she is really passionate about has been super rewarding. She is definitely the artist in the family and spends countless hours drawing. One of her drawings from last year was chosen to go into the Snohomish School District Calendar so of course we had to get a few extra’s to hang up around the house J.
Spencer started Kindergarten this fall. He loves every minute of it and has made some great friends. Because he sees Sydney reading her own books now, he has put the pedal to the metal and is working hard to catch her. In the last couple months after watching a movie about kids playing baseball he hauled out his ball and glove and started throwing some “heaters”. We were quite surprised at his ability to throw and catch so well. He has recruited everyone he knows to play including his grandma. If you come through our door, be prepared to put on the glove. Today we took him in to have his adenoids out which, for a parent, is always nerve wracking. But, he was so brave and so endearing to the nurses. We could literally hear them outside our curtained room bantering about who would get to take care of him. One nurse thanked him profusely for being so amiable and fun as we heard one scared little boy screaming for his mom while going to have the same procedure done. We were grateful that he came through the whole procedure safe and sound.
Bob is doing great. He has been working at Premera going on three years now and has a great team to work with. He received an Outstanding Employee Award this fall of which we were really proud of him. I only mention this because he has been like a single-dad these last couple years doing everything from taking the kids to the dentist, to getting me to all my doctor’s appointments. So, to receive this award on top of running every part of our household was pretty amazing. And, he does it all without a complaint. Right now he is a part of the Watch DOG program at Sydney and Spencer’s school. It’s a program for dad’s to volunteer at the school in just about every way you can imagine. He does this every Friday and is really enjoying himself. This summer he was also able to hike Mt. St. Helen’s for the third time with his friends from college. It was in memory of a friend who passed away over a year ago and what a great way to honor him.
We also received some great news that my brother and his family are moving to Spokane. He is actually already there working, and his wife and kids are back in Minnesota waiting for their house to sell. The last time my brother and I lived in the same state was back in high school, so this is really fun for me. I am looking forward to our two families having more time together and making the holiday’s loud and crazy J!!!!
As for my progress, I am honestly amazed at how far I’ve come this year. I have to give thanks to all of you who have prayed without ceasing for my recovery. One of my goals was not to miss one of Whitney’s home games, and as of right now I’ve made it to all of them including all of the away games as well. What a huge blessing that we can go as a family and cheer her on. My next goal is to see how I do getting back to church. I can’t wait to do that as a family again too. I am looking forward to 2008 being filled with continued health, more family time and a chance to reconnect with those we have not seen in a long time.
We hope to see as many of you as possible in 2008 and that this letter finds you all healthy and enjoying the holiday season.
Many Blessings,
Bob, Tanya, Whitney, Sydney, Spencer and Buddy-the-dog!!!
December 7, 2007
Friday, Dec 7
It seems as though I've been writing less and less. Its not for lack of content :-). There is always something wild and crazy going on around, which suits me just fine. But, part of it is because I have been having a few more "good" days as of late. As of tonight, I have made it to all three of Whitney's basketball games. Every time I go, it seems my body handles the stimulus a little better and I can actually sit back and take in every moment. It has been such an incredible blessing being there to cheer my daughter on. I can't even put it into words adequately without feeling like I might get a bit emotional about it. I went nearly two years with out seeing her play but maybe only a couple times. Last year I didn't even make it to one game. The best part is how much she appreciates me being there. I catch her "checking" on me during the game sometimes when she gets pulled out for a break and we give each other the secret sign that all is well. Her heart is so big and as she continues to march towards independance I can't help but feel she is turning into an amazing young woman.
This week I had an impromtu doctor's appointment with a homeopathic doctor. I've never worked with someone who just does this type of treatment as their main form of treatment. Its a long and involved story about how I actually ended up getting there on such short notice, but lets just say it felt like this huge window opened up on so many levels that I had to go and see what this was all about. So, after about an hour of speaking with this woman and giving her my history I left with my plant-based homeopathic remedy. Tomorrow is my day to try it so we'll see how it goes. I'm very curious to see what will come of this type of treatment.
Right now I have been enjoying this time of extra energy and trying to use it as wisely as possible. On the days Whitney has a basketball game I do everything in my power to relax, take a nap and hydrate right up until its time to go. It seems to be making a difference. On other days I've been enjoying doing extra reading and spending more one-on-one time with the kids. I can't tell you how grateful I am to be able to have these precious moments with my family. To feel more connected to them and to be a complete unit is something that's hard to articulate.
I am looking forward to Christmas for the first time in over three years and have such joy at the possibility of being downstairs and sitting with everyone around the tree. I'm sure I'll have to go lay back down afterwards, but that's okay with me. I'm learning to not be quite so greedy these days :-). And, I'm doing better at taking things one day at a time. God is good!
Blessings, Tanya
This week I had an impromtu doctor's appointment with a homeopathic doctor. I've never worked with someone who just does this type of treatment as their main form of treatment. Its a long and involved story about how I actually ended up getting there on such short notice, but lets just say it felt like this huge window opened up on so many levels that I had to go and see what this was all about. So, after about an hour of speaking with this woman and giving her my history I left with my plant-based homeopathic remedy. Tomorrow is my day to try it so we'll see how it goes. I'm very curious to see what will come of this type of treatment.
Right now I have been enjoying this time of extra energy and trying to use it as wisely as possible. On the days Whitney has a basketball game I do everything in my power to relax, take a nap and hydrate right up until its time to go. It seems to be making a difference. On other days I've been enjoying doing extra reading and spending more one-on-one time with the kids. I can't tell you how grateful I am to be able to have these precious moments with my family. To feel more connected to them and to be a complete unit is something that's hard to articulate.
I am looking forward to Christmas for the first time in over three years and have such joy at the possibility of being downstairs and sitting with everyone around the tree. I'm sure I'll have to go lay back down afterwards, but that's okay with me. I'm learning to not be quite so greedy these days :-). And, I'm doing better at taking things one day at a time. God is good!
Blessings, Tanya
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