Catching UP

It's been a long time since writing last. I'm disappointed in myself for letting so much of my own journey go unrecorded. Really this blog was for me so that I could remember every step I've had to take towards healing. As time goes by though I realize that even when that journey comes to an end I know another one will be waiting.

Life seems to continue to come at us fast and not always in a good way. But, we do our best to keep up with the schedule and do the most important things first...Most of the Time :-). My health is still up and down although I am doing so much better than before. I do realize from time to time that I have accomplished some activities here and there that would have been impossible for me to do a year earlier. I say that with so much gratitude to my Lord and Savior because I know that without His touch, His leading, His patience with me...there would be no progress. I give Him all the glory. Glory for encouraging certain people to pray for me, guiding me in what medicine or supplement to try, guiding me to particular doctors who seem to really understand what I need at the time. Not only have I received great healing this year, but Whitney has also. Her health had begun to spiral as well after being on antibiotics for many years for constant sinus infections. She had her tonsil's out last year and then began an anti-fungal treatment of Oil of Oregano later that fall. She has been so incredibly healthy this year...well, we all have. And, that's something we have not experienced in this house on a regular basis.

God, I believe, is not only healing us, but preparing us. For what I cannot say. As Bob and I agreed late this Fall to begin getting our house ready to sell, we both are ready to see where God will lead us. We plan to rent and stay in the area until Whitney graduates. After that, only the Lord knows at this point. Our job right now is to work on our relationships here, prepare our hearts and keep them soft and see where the Lord will lead us. I have no grandiose notions that God is going to sweep us away into some exciting land to preach His word or spread the Gospel to all Nations :-)...but, if there is a soup kitchen with our name on it, well, then we want to be ready for that. We have been blessed with so much that our heart, especially during these difficult economic times, is wanting to be able to give back to those who are struggling...who's hearts are soft as well and open to receiving His truth through a tangible means. Even so, I say this with a huge asterisk because God only knows what He has planned for those who love Him.

In the meantime, I continue to pray for increased strength, energy and complete healing. The war is not over and I cannot grow complacent in pressing in. It's so easy to get lazy when you can do the status-quo again and then stop crying out for God's best. I'm sad to say I've had those moments of just giving in to the fatigue and wondering if it will ever happen at all. But, then I remember what God spoke to me a long time ago before ever getting sick..."Why are you not believing me for so much more?" We ALL need to know what it means to believe God and take Him at His word. It's not easy, and requires more energy than I think I have. However, as Paul shared after He was ship wrecked and believed he was as good as dead, that God allowed that to happen so that they would depend on Him and not their own strength. We all must have these seasons of being stretched beyond our own human capacity so that we can say, "It was only by God's strength that I survived."

There is much still to learn through this journey of healing, of becoming completely whole in more ways than just physical. God is a good God who loves, heals, forgives and redeems from the dead. Only when we believe that with our whole heart and walk it out daily in the words we speak and the actions we show do we give Him the honor He so deserves. If our purpose on earth is to know God and to make Him known then we cannot shrink back from that. He will not give us a "pass" when we see Him face to face and tell Him we were "afraid". As I learn to hand over every part of my life and trust Him with it, do I see more pieces of my fractured puzzle begin to come together. I can't imagine what my life would look like right now with out His hand on my shoulder. I shudder to even imagine it. While my life is far from perfect, and that is not my goal, I do see His hand prints and foot prints all around me as I struggle to be all that He created me to be. If I could say one thing to anyone who is sick, or sad, or stuck...to not give up and believe that your God loves you. You will NEVER regret placing your life in His hands...only regretting that you didn't do it sooner.

God is good!
Blessings, Tanya