June 23, 2008

There is no such thing as a boring day at our home. I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way. Friday's surgery to have Whitney's nose reset went really great. As luck would have it for a forlorn teenager feeling sad about missing so much basketball, there happen to be a Very handsome boy there having the same surgery. As luck would get even better, they were put in recovery rooms right across from each other. Ah, the life of a young teenager. Other than that, it has been a really quick healing, Praise the Lord!!! No pain medications or anything. She did boycott church on Sunday however due to the very big, white cast on her nose. I let her out of it just this once because I could sort of understand. Although she did have to go grocery shopping with me. We kept a tally of all the people who gave her "the look", and extra points for anyone who actually said something. The dirty looks, we assume, were from the people who thought she had plastic surgery for plain vanity reasons, which we had to chuckle about too.

Life this summer (all two days of it), have far surpassed my expectations even though I'm still only 1/2 way to total healing. I do have my days of feeling frustrated, wondering what more God has in store for me on this journey. I figure I've come this far, and been through so much that I may as well squeeze every last piece of life out of it that I can. There have been so many lessons that I really don't know if all of them are quantifiable by words, but certainly by my spirit. I think back on when I first started this journey and really I don't know where it started. Was it truly when I first became sick? I'm not sure because there was so many signs leading up to it. Now I look back with a different perspective, thankful for what I know now but wishing I had known more. Will this process help me be a better "listener" to my own life going forward? I hope so.


Now that I'm able to be getting around regularly I struggle again to make not just the "good & better" choices with my time, but the Best choice. The Lord has recently placed a scripture on my heart that I'm doing a study on. It's from Psalm 90: 12 & 17 "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." And, "May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us--yes, establish the work of our hands."


These two verses very much sum up the cry of my heart. I have always had a sense of life's fragility just because of losing so many people that were dear to me. But, I have always struggled how to use it to propel me forward rather than paralyze me with fear. Fear of not doing enough or being enough. Mostly by the worlds standards. So, as I begin this new season of my life measuring it against what the Father has in mind for me, asking Him to show me how best to use my time, I work at disciplining myself to keep that title of "Mrs. Slowski". It suits me and keeps me bound to the side of Christ. I have dedicated all that I am and all that I have to the Lord in my life but, knowing what I know now...it's much different...it's deeper and richer and more rewarding. To know that I can be stretched this far without snapping in two gives me great faith for the future. I can number my days and make every hour count without doing it in fear. And, to see Him establish the works of my hands rather than running ahead asking Him to bless what I want first is going to be a welcomed journey I'm more than ready to take.


Next school year will be the first time in over 15 years that I will not have a "job" to go to, or a child at home for at least part of the day. It comes with some sadness of how quickly my little people have grown up. But, it also comes with excitement. I have no idea what God has in mind at this point and I am eagerly seeking Him daily for direction. I find it most interesting that this season intersects with me getting significantly better, and yet not 100%. Well enough to spend more time and energy in His presence, but not well enough to go be "out in the world" all day.

I pray that as I share this very personal journey with all of you, that God would be revealed as the source of my healing, the source of my growth, and the anchor to which has held me in place. With out His peace, hope and love, I would have never made it this far. And, I also share this with you as a source of accountability. Most of you know how very far from perfect I am...that I have fallen and no doubt been a disappointment on some level. Yet, know that everyday I do try to get up and do things better and different and more Christ-like because ultimately we all want to stand before our Savior one day and hear Him say, "Well done my good and faithful servant." My story is far from written and I have much to do. But, I feel as though I've been given a fresh set of eyes...Not all of sudden, but day-by-day His picture becomes a little bit more clear to me. My prayer is that those who struggle, suffer, feel left behind, forgotten about, abandoned, betrayed, gossiped about, lied about, brushed off, fired or "let go", bankrupt, divorced, lost a loved-one, watching your body deteriorate and fall apart, depressed and sad, or just can't seem to make that deeper connection you desire with the Lord...will one day look up into the eyes of the Savior and realize He is the only one who truly knows our pain. He is the only one who can walk with us during our darkest hours. And, He is the only one who can help us live life filled with joy even when our circumstances say we should feel otherwise. I can honestly say this to be true.

Well, today was "just" another day at Casa de Gore. For me, for us, it is always more than that. The house was filled with batches of cookies, muffins & banana bread being shuffled in and out of the oven, loud & crazy worship music was playing...and the kids and I celebrating just being together and doing simple things. "Just another day?" Not here!

God is Good!!!!!!
Blessings, Tanya