June 16, 2008

Is it really the middle of June already? Today is the last day of school for Spencer and tomorrow the girls will finish up their last day. As the kids breath a sigh of relief that end is finally here, I can't help but look back and reflect how much our entire family has grown and changed. On the one hand its exciting to see Sydney and Spencer gaining confidence in so many areas of their life, enjoying new friendships, and feeling like they just can't grow up quick enough. On the other side, I see how quickly it all goes by as Whitney prepares for her sophomore year. I can't stop time or slow it down. I certainly wouldn't want to for her sake. She is also gaining more confidence and self-assurance. My evenings are filled with reading books about teenagers and how to do the best job I can as her mother to prepare her for a world that is much different than the one I left high school for. There's constantly this mental check list going on in my mind of what wisdom, what information, what skills still need to be imparted that aren't there yet. The only thing that brings me great peace is that I know God has her in the palm of his hand. I know also that she has her own relationship with Him that she will be able to draw upon as time goes by. The relationship has slowly been evolving these last couple years. And, while I enjoy encouraging her to spread her wings and follow her hearts desire, I know that I have my own wings to attend to.

Next year will be the first year that all three of my kids will be in school all day at the same time. It has been 15 years since I last had my days free. It opens up so many possibilities and also a lot of reflection. Will I be well enough to do the things that God laid upon my heart years ago? Do those things apply now, or has God given me a new heart with a different purpose than I once thought? I don't know, but its time to begin to open up some of those old doors that I closed so tightly to first and foremost be the mom I had always dreamed of being. To give my kids those things I didn't have and to instill a new heritage that would allow them to be emotionally and spiritually healthy people. To watch Whitney making her way through high school and having so much fun, being a positive influence on those around her reassures me that everything I thought I was giving up to solely focus on parenting was more than worth it. To hear Sydney and Spencer share their own version of life and how vigorously they embrace it makes all other dreams pale in comparison.

We traveled to Wenatchee this weekend for one of Whitney's tournaments and the first night was so crazy trying to figure out where everyone was going to sleep. Sydney and Spencer just melted down on us because they wanted to sleep downstairs with Whitney and her friend. I felt like I would never bring them on another trip again. But, after realizing how sleep deprived and over stimulated they were from more sun than we know how to handle and lots of swimming...things finally started to fall into place. Smiles were abounding, and we had all settled into having fun again. Whitney was playing three games on Saturday and two on Sunday. On the third game which started at 7 p.m., towards the end, a girl that Whitney was guarding threw her elbow right across the bridge of Whitney's nose. I could hear this loud crack noise and realized that blood was going to soon be spewing out. Sure enough, the drama began. After about 20 minutes of trying to get the bleeding to stop, we were able to get her up to the ER and have someone take a look at it. He confirmed what we thought and sent us on our way. So, yesterday Whitney was not able to play. But, she showed up and cheered her team on. I was so proud of her for being willing to sit on the bench and encourage the rest of the girls even though her nose was swelling by the minute from all of that heat and extra cheering she was doing.

On the drive home we stopped in Leavenworth and got ice cream at the Cold Stone with another mom and daughter, then finally rolled in around 6 p.m. last night. It was definitely an exciting journey, but once again, I realized that even through it all we managed to stick together, have fun and just be grateful for the time together. Maybe with me being sick these last couple years we all just realize how quickly life can change and how fragile it can be. When I drove to Wenatchee last year, just the drive alone wiped me out and I had to spend a couple hours in bed just to recover. This year I was able to do all the basic stuff and didn't really have time to take a nap. I did pay for it later, but the fact was I was able to do it. We all talked about how different things are now that I'm better and how grateful we are for God's healing power in my life. My kids have learned a lot, they continue to teach me a lot and I still have so much more to learn. Its never ending.

If there is one thing I feel God has instilled in me through everything, its the ability to see the bigger picture. I wasn't always that way which probably lead to such a lack of patience on my part. But, being able to see how every opportunity today with my kids will benefit them 20 years from now raising their own families, makes every trip to the doctor's office, every fever in the middle of the night, every toe-to-toe match with my son :-), and every quiet moment with my girls talking and giggling, so worth it...It will be gone far too quickly!

God is good!
Blessings, Tanya