January 17, 2008

Proverbs 17: 22

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

I find it very fascinating that over the last 10 years, science has been proving what the Bible has been saying all along. "Be careful about what you think about because it can effect your health." I can't tell you the articles and research I've come across while trying to find answers to my own issues that relate to this very topic. There have been books and books and more books written all with the intention of educating us on how to stop worrying, stop being stressed out, stop living in fear, stop running around aimlessly, start living with more intention, start praying and meditating, just start breathing for crying-out-loud.

How about another one? Proverbs 14:30 "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." I never felt like this one really applied to me because by nature I've rarely felt jealous towards someone else. That was until I got sick! Holy Cow! I couldn't believe how angry I would feel at times when I would see mothers in my neighborhood walking by my house with their little ones in tow. "Why can't I be out with MY kids, Lord!", I would find myself muttering under my breath. Later I would realize that my day would be a slow downhill slide from there. Slipping into this pity party and being short with just about anyone who crossed my path that day. I didn't feel like keeping in a constant state of prayer as I would go about my day. It was as if it shut down every avenue to the light that I have. I also noticed how exhausted I became from entertaining these thoughts. Maybe for some people who are healthy, you don't see the immediate effect like I do, but trust me...it is still effecting you. I count this as a blessing for myself now because I don't have the liberty of spending much time on these thoughts since I know now where it will lead me. I pray that when I am fully healthy that I will not forget this message. In fact, someone save this and send it back to me periodically :-).

I'll confess that yesterday when I woke up feeling like someone had slipped something illegal in my water bottle the night before, and I had to get my kids ready for school that being cheerful wasn't on my priority list. Its just so easy to allow circumstances to dictate our day. But, I know now fundamentally to my core, that if I don't work at cultivating joy and cheerfulness then it may never manifest itself that way its intended to. Even at 38 years old, I'm still learning that every day is filled with choices. Unlike my kids, I don't have someone looking at me square in the face telling me, "Look, you can either do this and have this reward, or you can do this and have this consequence, it's up to you." I have to do that for myself every moment of every day.

I was at Whitney's basketball game the other day and another mom was there that I have known for several years. But, we haven't spoken in a while and she sort of cornered me and started telling me about some really severe circumstances that had happened to her and what a miracle had happened in her life. And, it truly was a miracle how this woman had recovered. But, I could tell she was telling me all of this because she knew that I had been having health problems as well and it almost seemed like a competition...who had been through the worst scenario sort of thing. So, when she said, "Hey, I want to hear all about what has been going on with you.", I just politely declined and said that maybe another time we could visit more. The truth is that I am getting better and I didn't want to compare war stories. I want to look forward, not backward. I wanted to be there celebrating my daughter's basketball game. I don't want to drag around my symptoms with me every where I go and "be one with them". I really love sitting in the stands watching Whitney play and sort of melt into the bleachers. Its a time to lay all of this down 100% and put my mind on things that are truly positive. And, I can't tell you how great I feel at the end of her games. Truly the joy that I feel penetrates every cell of my body and I know that it is contributing to my healing. To do these things that mean the most to me has been more healing than any supplement I can put in my body.

So, I guess we can all keep buying book after book, which I probably still will from time to time. But the truth is that everything I need to know is wrapped in one book. And, as long as I make reading my Bible the most read book on my shelf...its just like taking medicine, only more powerful. It can touch me in places that biology books don't even have names for.

I pray that what ever your circumstances are, that you can find joy in some part of your life that will be the spark to light the flame in your heart. It only takes a spark....

God is good!!

Blessings, Tanya