Mrs. Slowski

I love the commercial about Mr. and Mrs. Slowski, the turtles who hate fast technology. Two years ago I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but now that I'm in bed all day I can totally relate. When you suddenly have to stop and be still 99% of the day for two years it seems like everything else is moving so quickly. My daughter's voice is louder and faster than I can ever remember before and when one of my younger kids is all excited about something, I brace myself for their body-launching explaination onto my bed. A few times in the last six months I have had to take a ride to the doctor's office and for the first few miles I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride. Now I feel horribly guilty for all those times I tail-gaited the elderly lady just trying to get to the store for a loaf of bread...uggg. So sorry Granny. I feel angry and agitated inside with my husband for taking corners too quickly (in reality its a normal speed), and it seems like the cars coming in our direction are breaking the speed limit.

In short I feel completely disconnected from the outside world and have a hard time imagining myself "out there" again. This is so contrary to how I used to be and for those who know me would definitely agree. I have always been an early riser with my mental "To-Do" list going before my feet would hit the ground. There's no doubt that every day miles would be added to the van's odometer, gas might need to be pumped to make all the necessary stops, and a small cooler of snacks, oh, and let's not forget the Double-Tall-Non-Fat-With-Vanilla , was all imperative for things to go somewhat smoothly. But, just like my college days when I thought I was sooooo busy and then looked back trying to figure out what I did with all my time that was so important...I also now look back on the last 10 years and wonder why I felt so rushed every day.

And every night after the kids were in bed and I tried to get my throttle pulled back, I would say, "Lord, tomorrow I'm going to spend more than 10 minutes with you." or "God, I really want my life to count for something...please show me what that looks like." Then I would jump up the next day and do the same thing all over again. All the while I was feeling stretched, tired, frustrated and wondering how all the other mom's could maintain such a pace and still look good everyday.

You don't have to be a psychic to figure out that my perspective has now definitely been altered...forever. Now, I listen to my friends complain about being too busy, some no longer even contact me because I don't fit into their schedules anymore. I'm Mrs. Slowski after all. But, it dawned on me that I used to be that way so I can hardly judge them for the same thing. I have no bad feelings for those friends I no longer have contact with. Their journey is different than mine and maybe they don't have that voice whispering to them the way I did that I was missing out on something bigger.

I think whether you have a spiritual relationship or not, most people are very familiar with Psalm 23. It wasn't one I spent any time reading because I felt I had heard it so many times it had kind of become...well I'll just say it...boring. It didn't hold much meaning for me. But, about a year ago I came to a place where my body was so fragile and mind was on over drive to figure out what to do. It was fear mixed with the need for action...fight or flight. As I opened my Bible knowing my mind wasn't able to absorb much information I stopped at Psalm 23. Not the whole thing, just the first part. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." It was like someone had blown a fresh, clean breeze across my hot, tear-streaked cheeks. I had finally reached that point in my life where I realized that the only way I was going to survive was to trust, lay still, and allow God to restore my broken and beaten down soul. I no longer could pretend that I had the resources to do this on my own. Suddenly I feel proud to be called Mrs. Slowski. Because now I have a chance to really listen. Listen to my heart, listen to God's heart and listen to those around me who are trying to keep it together, and are really in need of a friend but can't slow down to say it. God doesn't come to us in the wind, or an earthquake, or a giant storm...He comes to us with a quiet whisper that only a quiet soul can hear. I think my arrogant attitude was always expecting God to be louder than all the noise I was making in my own life. It has finally dawned on me that I'm the one that is to get quiet to hear him. Now I don't have a choice...maybe that's a gift for right now. Maybe I'll start a Mrs. Slowski club...Wanna join?