July 5, 2008

July is always a busy month at our house. We have three birthday's in the first two weeks. Mine was the 2nd, Whitney's is next on the 9th, and then Bob's is on the 11th. We love the fact that 2 + 9 = 11. When it was just the three of us in the beginning we felt that it was no accident that God had knit us into a new family. We still enjoy sharing that little piece of information with people when we get to know them. It's part of our history and part of our truth, that God does miracles in lives and especially in families.

Yesterday we had a wonderful 4th of July. I had been praying for awhile that the Lord would give me enough energy this summer to have our home bustling with friends and family again. I just didn't realize it would come so quickly. We had neighbors, old friends, new friends, family...it was filled with so much laughter and lots of praising God for what He has done in our life. It felt good to be surrounded with people who have seen first hand how far I've come in my healing and recognize that it truly was God's touch. I spent the first half of the day cooking and getting everything ready...took my two hour power nap...and then geared up for the rest of the evening that went well past everyone's bed time. The kids and "kids disguised as men" :-) enjoyed setting off a great fireworks show which was extra big this year with the rest of the neighborhood joining it. It was quite a sight.

Healing for me continues to come in waves and in different forms. I still over-do it at times just because I so enjoy the time with my kids and doing fun things with them this summer. And, I try to embrace the set-backs as a reminder that God still wants control of my entire day...not just what I want to give Him. Sometimes our gifts come wrapped in the most unusual ways, don't they? It's having the eyes to see it's God knocking softly at our door and the stillness of heart to hear it. I would love to say I hear Him every time, but the truth is I'm still developing and working on this area of my life. And, probably always will be. It's the desire to get to the point where I can hear His footsteps approaching my door before He ever knocks. Having that intimacy of knowing His shoes from every other sound in my head...

Even as I write this today, I know there are people reading this who are struggling for many different reasons. Some in a similar situation as I am, others with completely different challenges. We all have seasons of being in the wilderness. Just the name alone evokes pictures of rugged terrain, isolation, fear of what's out there that we can't yet see, vulnerability, and loneliness to just name a few. But, also the wilderness can be a place of rest. You cease struggling against everything because you are now in a place that is so completely unfamiliar that you must finally allow God to show you step-by-step the way home. And, during that journey you will sit with Him by the fire to keep warm & safe, talk about all the things that went "wrong" that led you to this place or how you were "unjustly" dropped off out there without your consent. Either way, we have to start seeing Jesus sitting there with us, leading us home. If we change the picture in my minds from us being alone in what ever our circumstances are to realizing that we have the One who created us and loves us more than anyone right there 24/7...it completely changes the outcome of the story. It changes everything. Our time in the wilderness can be either the best thing that has ever happened to us, or it can destroy us. We were made for more than that. God certainly didn't want our purpose to be cut short by a trip to rugged territory...it can be used to prepare us for even greater things. I myself have a hard time with God's word that says that we shall do even greater things than He did. It's hard to imagine that. But, if Jesus said, then it must be true. I pray that every difficulty that comes my way, will be met with belief that my God is a good God. He allows things to come into my life and can take anything broken and battered and make it beautiful again. Even this body that has been through a lot. I realize now how our circumstances can destort the truth because we are so human and struggle so hard to want to understand everything. It was nearly impossible for me to believe at one point that I would ever be well again. I say "nearly" because I did leave a tiny little window for God to do His work in me. But, for many months it was my family and a few Godly friends who kept my vision for me. They would remind me that God had not left me and was holding my hand. We all need someone like that in our life. To hold our vision for us while we are in such a dark pit at times. It doesn't mean we have given up or don't believe that God will rescue us. It just means that we have lost our ability for a time to see the possibilities as clearly as everyone else. It's like they are our "seeing-eye dogs"...if you will. Its at these times that I really understand why God created community, why He has brought certain people into our lives at that time and how important it is when we are well to be that for others. It can be a life-line.

I don't know any great medical treatments that will make people well. I don't even know if it has mattered at all at the things I have taken to get well. I don't know why some people heal and others do not. And, I do not think I am more blessed than someone who has not yet received their healing. I myself am not completely well and have far to go. I just know that more than healing...more than riches...more than anything else...God just wants us to be close to Him. To spend time at His feet the way Martha did and choose "the good thing." It is good to be still, to wait and to listen. Even if it is in a dry and weary land. He is there.

Psalm 91:4 NLT

He will shield you with his wings.

He will shelter you with his feathers.

His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

God is good!!!

Blessings, Tanya

Family Pictures :-)

Happy 6th Birthday Spencer!!!!!

Nice curvey nose :-)



All better now!!!!

June 23, 2008

There is no such thing as a boring day at our home. I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way. Friday's surgery to have Whitney's nose reset went really great. As luck would have it for a forlorn teenager feeling sad about missing so much basketball, there happen to be a Very handsome boy there having the same surgery. As luck would get even better, they were put in recovery rooms right across from each other. Ah, the life of a young teenager. Other than that, it has been a really quick healing, Praise the Lord!!! No pain medications or anything. She did boycott church on Sunday however due to the very big, white cast on her nose. I let her out of it just this once because I could sort of understand. Although she did have to go grocery shopping with me. We kept a tally of all the people who gave her "the look", and extra points for anyone who actually said something. The dirty looks, we assume, were from the people who thought she had plastic surgery for plain vanity reasons, which we had to chuckle about too.

Life this summer (all two days of it), have far surpassed my expectations even though I'm still only 1/2 way to total healing. I do have my days of feeling frustrated, wondering what more God has in store for me on this journey. I figure I've come this far, and been through so much that I may as well squeeze every last piece of life out of it that I can. There have been so many lessons that I really don't know if all of them are quantifiable by words, but certainly by my spirit. I think back on when I first started this journey and really I don't know where it started. Was it truly when I first became sick? I'm not sure because there was so many signs leading up to it. Now I look back with a different perspective, thankful for what I know now but wishing I had known more. Will this process help me be a better "listener" to my own life going forward? I hope so.


Now that I'm able to be getting around regularly I struggle again to make not just the "good & better" choices with my time, but the Best choice. The Lord has recently placed a scripture on my heart that I'm doing a study on. It's from Psalm 90: 12 & 17 "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." And, "May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us--yes, establish the work of our hands."


These two verses very much sum up the cry of my heart. I have always had a sense of life's fragility just because of losing so many people that were dear to me. But, I have always struggled how to use it to propel me forward rather than paralyze me with fear. Fear of not doing enough or being enough. Mostly by the worlds standards. So, as I begin this new season of my life measuring it against what the Father has in mind for me, asking Him to show me how best to use my time, I work at disciplining myself to keep that title of "Mrs. Slowski". It suits me and keeps me bound to the side of Christ. I have dedicated all that I am and all that I have to the Lord in my life but, knowing what I know now...it's much different...it's deeper and richer and more rewarding. To know that I can be stretched this far without snapping in two gives me great faith for the future. I can number my days and make every hour count without doing it in fear. And, to see Him establish the works of my hands rather than running ahead asking Him to bless what I want first is going to be a welcomed journey I'm more than ready to take.


Next school year will be the first time in over 15 years that I will not have a "job" to go to, or a child at home for at least part of the day. It comes with some sadness of how quickly my little people have grown up. But, it also comes with excitement. I have no idea what God has in mind at this point and I am eagerly seeking Him daily for direction. I find it most interesting that this season intersects with me getting significantly better, and yet not 100%. Well enough to spend more time and energy in His presence, but not well enough to go be "out in the world" all day.

I pray that as I share this very personal journey with all of you, that God would be revealed as the source of my healing, the source of my growth, and the anchor to which has held me in place. With out His peace, hope and love, I would have never made it this far. And, I also share this with you as a source of accountability. Most of you know how very far from perfect I am...that I have fallen and no doubt been a disappointment on some level. Yet, know that everyday I do try to get up and do things better and different and more Christ-like because ultimately we all want to stand before our Savior one day and hear Him say, "Well done my good and faithful servant." My story is far from written and I have much to do. But, I feel as though I've been given a fresh set of eyes...Not all of sudden, but day-by-day His picture becomes a little bit more clear to me. My prayer is that those who struggle, suffer, feel left behind, forgotten about, abandoned, betrayed, gossiped about, lied about, brushed off, fired or "let go", bankrupt, divorced, lost a loved-one, watching your body deteriorate and fall apart, depressed and sad, or just can't seem to make that deeper connection you desire with the Lord...will one day look up into the eyes of the Savior and realize He is the only one who truly knows our pain. He is the only one who can walk with us during our darkest hours. And, He is the only one who can help us live life filled with joy even when our circumstances say we should feel otherwise. I can honestly say this to be true.

Well, today was "just" another day at Casa de Gore. For me, for us, it is always more than that. The house was filled with batches of cookies, muffins & banana bread being shuffled in and out of the oven, loud & crazy worship music was playing...and the kids and I celebrating just being together and doing simple things. "Just another day?" Not here!

God is Good!!!!!!
Blessings, Tanya