February 28th, 2008

It's been a whirl-wind two and half weeks around here. I'll just get right into it. Whitney had her tonsil's out two weeks ago and things went really great for the first three days. But, by the end of the 3rd day, she started vomiting and we couldn't get it under control. After an attempt at some prescription anti-nausea meds we were off to the ER at 1 a.m. They were so great there, though. It felt like God walked through the door 10 minutes before, cleared out the place and put a pile of compassion into every one's heart. We didn't even wait for five minutes before getting her back and an IV put in place, with better anti-nausea meds being administered. Poor Whitney. She was so miserable, in so much pain from the surgery, not able to take any pain medication and dealing with all that throwing up. My heart was breaking for her. Anyway, they finally let us go home and after one more stop at the pharmacy, we rolled in at about 4:30 in the morning....exhausted, but so thankful that she was finally able to rest.

Life is pretty much back to "normal" now and in the wake of all the drama and getting up every 3-4 hours to doll out pain meds, my body really took a leap backwards. As I shared with my friend, its like taking a sludge hammer to a thin glass floor when you go that long without sleep and afternoon naps. I just can't get away with that at this point in my healing process. I was, however, so grateful for the strength God did provide to make it through and now I am going to try to be patient with allowing my body to regroup. So, that includes napping in the afternoon and doing my best to not get sucked in to unnecessary activities.

And, even though I am so thankful for how far I've come, my son Spencer reminds me how far I have to go. He is really struggling with me not being "all the way well." He's been talking to me a lot about this in the morning times when we are alone. Its just not enough that I am able to do the basics. He wants ALL of me and I certainly don't blame him. I do know that this is not the end of our journey with healing every one's heart. I sometimes am so focused on what I lost and how I'm feeling that I forget that my children are dealing with the same things. I keep thinking that if I can just make dinner on a regular basis and or sit with them and watch while they play that it will be enough. But, yesterday Spencer let me know that it just wasn't enough for him. We prayed together later at lunch time asking God to "finish healing me" and I pray that this young, tender heart will have his prayers answered. This is one time in my life I want this so much more for him than for myself. I want him to know that God does hear us, He does answer our prayers and has not forgotten his mommy. It is once again another time to "trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding."

I do feel that with so much going on in the world today, I have very little to complain about. I continue to believe that God is doing much more than healing just my body...but he is slowly renovating one room of my heart at a time. I know there is a bigger picture still being played out that I just can't see with my worldly eyes.

Many blessings and much love to all of you who share in this journey with me and my family, who pray for us and love us unconditionally. Sometimes just knowing people are standing in your corner is everything to make it through to the next day.

God is good!
Tanya