A little Update

I can't believe that July is almost over. It seems like every year goes by quicker and quicker...especially during the summer months. We have been having a nice summer break so far and this next month some fun things will be coming up.

I am scheduled to go over to Wenatchee to stay with our good friends Kevin and Lynn on this Friday. The family will all go over with me and everyone but Whitney and I will return back home on Saturday. The kids have camps that they will be going to so hopefully this will keep them distracted about me being away for awhile. Bob will return that next Friday, August 3rd with the kids and Buddy the dog to spend some time with Kevin, Lynn and their two sweet kids. I think I hear some rumblings about either a day at the water slides or maybe even some river rafting. Either way I think it will be a great time. Whitney will have to go back with everyone that Sunday because she has some things going so it will be just me until Bob returns the following Thursday or Friday. We'll return that next day and I will finally be back at home. I'm not sure if this will tell us much as far as my sensitivities to molds, but I guess it is worth a try. Plus, we have the added bonus of getting caught up with our friends whom we haven't been able to see in a few years.

Right now I'm doing about the same. I guess these last two weeks have been a bit harder and I'm trying to be patient and wait to see if I get some relief pretty soon. My main symptoms right now are extreme fatigue and no stamina. Basically I can't stand and do anything for more than 15-30 minutes without feeling exhausted and like I might pass out. It's very frustrating at times and I'm still trying to make peace with these major constraints, but it just isn't easy. I seem to be able to do more as long as I'm sitting and can make phone calls, visit a little while and do some reading.

Spiritually I feel like I have hit a bit of a wall and I always think its a good sign in some ways because eventually I'll get tired of it and decide I want to go to the next level. Right now I'm in resistance mode, spending hours watching the Tour de France, golf, tennis, Fox News and the food network. I just recently got this new book and started reading it a few days ago. The title is a bit harsh though..."Shattered Dreams--God's Unexpected Pathway to Joy." Whitney came into my room and saw it laying on my bed and picked it up. She looked at the book, looked at me and frowned. Then all she said was, "Ooooh, Saaaaaad!!!!" and walked out. We have had a good laugh about that since then. Oh, to be 14 and feel like the world is your oyster!

But, needless to say I haven't been burning through the book just yet. I'm only getting through a few pages a day because I guess I'm just not ready to hear how all of this "Stuff" we go through is supposed to give me what I'm really looking for. Sometimes I just want to check out for awhile. It's just asking me to feel everything I don't feel like feeling and not shove it under the rug. I guess that's what I'm doing by saturating my brain in t.v. right now. I call it a vacation - tomato - tomaaaaato...lol.

I heard this true story about a guy who was held in a prison camp during the war for 10 years or something and everyday he would play 18 holes of golf in his mind. He would envision himself at his old golf course and take himself through every shot mentally. When he was released and went back and played that golf course, he had a near perfect score on his first time out. Incredible. So, sometimes I do that too. I try to think about the most beautiful course I've played which was awhile ago and take myself through a few shots. It's a nice place to go to mentally sometimes, but I have no illusions of shooting a perfect score ever in my life! Please! I just wanted to explain why I was watching so much golf :-).

But, rest assured, I know I'll reach my saturation point and get back to reality and deal with my questions and try to learn to accept what I cannot change. I'll continue to pray that those truth's I'm learning in my head will one day make their way 16-inches down to my heart and I'll begin to experience true joy regardless of my circumstances. That all pain has a purpose and one day God will make it known to me either on this side of heaven or the other. And, my desire to know God more will continue to grow because I can't think of a greater achievement in this life than to know intimately my Creator.