Change of Plans.....

After much prayer and talking it over with Bob, I have decided to not make another trip back to Fresno after all. There are many reasons for this decision, but the main one being that the distance is making it very difficult to progress at the level I would like. After a few discussions on the phone with the doctor, it was becoming clear that it would be really hard for him to treat me out of state because of how he treats. He uses a form of muscle testing that helps him figure out which supplements/medicine would be best for where my body is at during that time. So, right now it is a lot of guessing...which hasn't worked for me in the past very well!

I do have an appointment with a new doctor in Issaquah on June 15th. He is an MD as well as a naturopathic doctor and I had a very good conversation with him on the phone. He may not have everything that I need, but he may have a piece of the puzzle. We'll see. I'll let you know how it goes.

In general I'm having more difficult days again. It is so hard not to lose hope and get discouraged because this has gone on for so long. I am really starting to lean a bit harder on the people I feel God has brought into our life who are supporting us through prayer and encouragement. We have some amazing neighbors who come over and pray with us, talk to me, let me share my struggles and I feel like they have been a life line for me. I don't know where I would be with out them. And, of course Bob...he just never waivers an inch in his belief that I'm going to get well. I can't imagine being in these circumstances with a husband who wasn't like him. He has gone through this hell with me and never once stopped encouraging me to keep holding on.

Its summer now and I see the mom's out with their kids and I can't help but get a huge lump in my throat as I see my own two amazing little people head off to the park with someone other than me. I feel frustrated, robbed of an amazing time in their life, and wonder how much longer I can do this. Whitney needs a new dress for graduation and I desperately want to be the one to take her shopping. These are the moments we mom's live for with our daugters...right now I don't know if I can. But, I keep being brought back to the same place over and over again...Romans 12:12 sums it up for me..."Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." That's all I can do right now. I'm back to that place of being out on our fishing boat when I was a teenager, hanging on to the side of the rail as we try to pull in our gear with the wind whipping in our face. Jelly fish are stinging my eyes, my hands are swollen from grasping a heavy lead line and stacking it, my shoulders ache and I'm weary from the brain-numbing cold and only three hours of sleep from the night before. But, at the end of it all is a big boat load of fish that will bring the reward we were working so hard for. I know that something good can come of all this...I just don't know what. I just keep my eyes on the horizon believing that some day it will be my turn again.