November 19, 2008

Waiting to be healed or Waiting on the Healer!

Life always has a way of giving us more than one way to interpret it. We are usually given any number of chances to look at life as victims or victors. It's more than just being a "glass is half-empty" mentality. It's taking that glass filled with any amount of water and seeing how far it will stretch. What are the possibilities with 4 o.z. of H2O.

I was spending a very nice evening with my best friend last night at a coffee shop. We were sharing things in our lives and we discussed the topic of being in really difficult places. The kind of places where you have to stop and analyze every area of your life. Asking questions like, "Have I been doing everything I am supposed to be?" "Am I walking in lock-step with my Creator?" "What should I be doing while I wait for this incredibly painful thing to pass?" Or, "Do I need to make peace with this 'thing' that has been allowed into my life?"

We discussed Paul and his thorn in the flesh from 2nd Corinthians 12:7 "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me." We pondered that idea. The idea that God would bring something into our lives to keep us humbled and totally dependant upon Him.

I have had people ask me if I am "all the way well yet" and if I worry that I will ever be completely healed. My answer is two-fold. I very much believe my complete healing is coming, but I also know that it cannot come until I am able to handle the responsibilities that come with a strong and healthy body. See, we are all given gifts. We were put here for service. But, its easy to go our own way and do what WE want to do with that strength and energy. I worry about passing that test. Right now I am still forced to rest. And, during those times I lay down in the quiet, it reminds me of how dependent upon God I am for every moment of my day. That every ounce of energy is a gift and needs to be used as such. I know people who are the total "energizer bunny" in its original form. Their lives go on without much more than a little hick-up here and there. But, my question is this..."Are you doing all God has called you to?" "Do you understand that we all must be called into account for the time we spent on this earth?" I have to ask myself these same questions. There are many times I have missed the mark altogether. I've had times of coming close and times of knowing I did exactly what I should have been doing. It's a work in progress.

The point of being in these hard places is really about being put to the test. James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Most of us love the idea of being mature and complete, not lacking anything...how nice does that sound? The reality of that lies in the first part of the verse. We must face some trials...we must be tested. Our faith is not worth anything unchallenged and unrefined. There is no growth to those of us who avoid pain at all cost...trust me...I know this one from experience. Don't get me wrong now. I'm not exactly running towards a burning building or anything. I'm not looking for trails or am enjoying not being fully recovered. I just know that for what ever reason this is where God has me and I don't want to miss the opportunities to take a few more baby steps towards maturity and completeness. I want to walk this earth with humility reminding myself that I have come from ashes and it only takes a moment of arrogance to send me back to that heap. I have to remind myself that perfection lives in heaven and progress belongs here on earth.

Psalm 16:5-11
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Many blessings to you who walk through the valley today. Who wonder where God is in all of your circumstances. In your past, present and future He is there standing next to you. He has said, "never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." As we trust and walk forward in faith, know that the thing that seems to have you chained down may be the very thing that God will use to bring about a harvest of righteousness.

God is Good!
Tanya

November 17, 2008

Relationships - How much they mean...

I've been doing more and more thinking about my friendships these last many years. I think I probably always have given it a lot of thought my whole life. I'm the girl who easily forgave and always had the disease to please no matter how much it hurt. I know many other women who struggle with the same thing. But no matter what, we still long to grow our friendships into healthy long-lasting relationships.

I did a little looking in the Bible to see what God had to say about friendships. Given the fact that He is the creator of the ultimate friend, Jesus, I know that what He has to say will be more accurate than my feelings could ever be.

So here is a list of a few:
Proverbs 16:28 "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 17:9 "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends."
Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times."
Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Proverbs 27:6 "Wounds from a close friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

And the one I need to learn... Proverbs 12:26 "A righteous man is cautious in friendship..."

I'll step right up to the front of the line and say I have made so many mistakes in the area of friendship. I've withheld information when I should have shared it and I've shared information when I should have withheld it. I've over-invested and under-invested. I've been misunderstood and I have misunderstood others. I have bailed out of friendships that I couldn't handle, and I've had friends bail out on me. I have tried to go back over the years and apologize and set things "right" and tried to go forward and do better the next time.

But, even through all the mess-ups and disappointments and let-downs the one constant is that I still dearly love being in relationship with people. My world feels the happiest when all wheels are turning as they should in my home and in my friendships. I'm the Rodney King of the neighborhood saying, "Can't we all just get along?" Life is painfully short to be at odds with our friends, or with anyone. And, yet it still happens. Someone still says something that stings, or doesn't understand the decisions we have to make in life at times or struggles to help us in our time of need. But, God is still God and He is still the creator of relationships. He created us to be in relationship. That's one of the main reasons of church...fellowship. To be strengthened by one another. And, the truth is that we need healthy relationships to grow.

If there is one lesson these last many years of being sick have taught me is that friends can literally save our lives. The women God has brought into my life now for this season of my life give more to me than they can ever know. And, the whole point of sharing this is that if you feel like your life doesn't impact people...well...somewhere you have believed a lie because we impact each other greatly. I wonder if we have been immobilized on some level by watching these grand reality shows where they come in and make HUGE changes for people what seems like overnight. But, for the rest of us, relationships and life is built one day at a time, one phone call, one card, one quick get-together for a cup of coffee or just stopping by to say "hello". Reminding people that even through the business of all the things we have to do, that someone else matters to us.

I pray that we as women can lift each other up to a higher place, cheer each other on for accomplishments great and small, pray for each other because for some of us we may be the only person praying for our friend. Reminding each other of the gifts God has placed in all of us because the world does a good enough job of trying to tear us apart. Doing our best to not judge, especially based on appearances and remembering we are all one step away from falling from grace.

Healing can take many forms in us and many different journey's. Rarely does it every look the same for each person. To heal a broken heart from a painful relationship is like breathing fresh air into a dank room. To heal one's body also requires healing our hearts from those places where we feel lost, forgotten about or alone. I love the movie "Lilo and Stitch" where they are always talking about "Ohana"..."No one gets left behind." Those of us who are farther ahead on the journey need to reach back and help those who are still making their way. And, to know that no matter how great a friend we are, we can always learn more about how to do it better.

So, thank you to all my friends who have held my hand during this season of my life. For those of you who keep encouraging me along the way to never give up. And, to those friends who have the gift of leading me by your own example I am forever grateful.

God is good!
Blessings, Tanya

November 5, 2008

TRYING NOT TO COME OUT OF MY SKIN!

That title isn't totally about the election results. Some of it is because this world we are living in doesn't feel good draped around my body at times. I literally feel like I'm shedding layers of skin right now or should I say they are being peeled away. Peeled away is more accurate because its not a pain-free process. The only thing that gives me comfort is that I am not alone in that feeling.

What's eating away at me?

1.) How we handle our time.
2.) What we invest our time, money and thoughts in.
3.) What we are teaching our children about what's REALLY important.
4.) How to get off this train that is headed straight for a mountain that is without a tunnel.
5.) Why can't we talk about these things more????
6.) Being a true light in a very dark world.

I say "we" but I really mean "me".

I just want to start the dialogue with people. Like, "How is your family able to do so many activities where you and your spouse are going in opposite directions all the time and still keeping your marriage and family connection in place?" Or, "Do we see our church as a place to serve us, or a place where we can learn to serve?" I say, "learn to serve", because many people may be serving, but not with their spiritual gifts. Or, it's one more thing they "should be doing". "Is it healthy when our children are trying to "keep up with Johnny on his AWANA badges, or Cub Scout badges" yet missing the whole reason for the exercises. Is there really a heart change happening with our children or are we more interested in them getting great grades and behaving appropriately? Not that there is anything wrong with those things, until we neglect their hearts truly being shaped. Why pump them with Bible verses if we don't teach them how to apply the information in such a way that changes who they fundamentally are...or who we are praying that they become. Does my family really know what our "purpose" is? Do you believe that your family has a purpose? Are we willing to make the sacrifices for the purpose to be realized? Or, is it to inconvenient? Arrrrggg!!!! I'm asking myself these questions every single day right now.

These are all the things I'm asking myself...and have been for many, many years. But, just like everyone else I often feel so exhausted from going against the stream that I just give in and "go with the flow". Often feeling like I'm depriving my children of the great American experience if I say "no" to some things. And, even though I know in my heart that it may not be the best thing for my family.

My friend shared on his blog some six points of what the church needs to be asking itself. One of his questions was this..."Would my neighborhood/city miss our church if it were no longer existing in the neighborhood?" And, my response to that question is with another one..."Would my neighborhood/city/school miss me if I were no longer existing in those areas?...am I taking up space or leaving a footprint? And, that doesn't mean I am chairman of every committee...it means, am I investing in people's lives to such a point that they see Jesus, that they see God's love and has it made their lives better for it? Does it make them get excited in a world where fear is the norm right now? Am I doing that in my home and outside of my home? Do people really know that I love them and care about them or do I spend my time with other just talking about my own problems without listening to theirs? Being a source of hope when so many feel hopeless and powerless. Do I make assumptions about other people's lives without knowing them personally?

Okay, I'll stop there for now. Honestly, I am spinning around with all these thoughts in my head and desperately want to know the answer or be the answer. I don't want to take up space and focus on things that will just fall apart and break down. I want other's to want that same thing. Barak Obama can talk about change all he wants...and he may bring about some good change and some change we didn't want. But, he is not the one who will truly change this country. It's up to each and every one of us individually asking ourselves hard questions, talking to other people about it and seeking solutions to the problems. It's mother's sitting around the table having tea or coffee and saying, "This isn't working for me...or this really works for me." It's dad's chatting at the bus stops and being honest about their own challenges. It's pastors having a clear vision in how to reach out to those who hurting and barely hanging on in their lives...

There's nothing easy about any of these things. And, I don't know if I will fully live up to my own desire to make these things a reality...certainly not in my own strength. But, God says with Him all things are possible and so I have to take Him at his word. If I fail, I will try to get up and start over again...if my friends fail, I pray that I will help pick them up and not look at them with judgement knowing I just dusted off my own knees about an hour ago.

I will try to live by the motto of "Progress, not Perfection" and learn how to take one baby step a day knowing that there is a lot at stake when I give up. Knowing there may be set-backs, but being thankful that God has given me another sunrise to turn that set-back into a celebration.

I pray that you will ask yourself these same questions...dig deep with me because I hate doing this stuff alone. And know that God says "Do not become weary of doing good because in the right time you will receive a reward." I know His rewards are better than any I could receive here on earth. In God we Trust!

God is Good and I mean that!
Blessings, Tanya

November 2, 2008

People Are Ready for Something Different

I seem to be having a hard time articulating myself lately. Okay, you can laugh about that if you want. I know I can carry on a conversation with a piece of wood given the chance, but I mean to really talk about the stuff going on deep inside. The things I see happening in my home, neighborhood and the entire culture at large. Some things make me feel so great and warm and fuzzy, and other things leave me feeling like I've sat one too many minutes in the meat locker...cold and numb!

Right now I'm reading out of James. When ever I feel stuck and not sure what the Lord is requiring of me right now, I pop open that book and it never fails to give me some great reminders. The basics of life. Its really one of my favorite books because it seems to cover or shall I say "highlight" all the areas of my life that are in constant need of rehabilitation :-). Yep, I'm a rehaber! I always need reminding that in this world I will have trials and temptations...that I don't want to be THAT man in the mirror who looks at himself and then walks away promptly forgetting what he looks like...To NEVER play favorites (that's a good one in suburbia)...that its no good to have faith without deeds, why bother really...Taming the tongue is hard to do but imperative...That wisdom is first of all pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere...That I need to submit myself to God daily so that I will not find myself at odds with those around me because of needing to have my own way....Boasting about tomorrow is a huge no-no....That with money comes much responsibility...To be patient in suffering...To be a woman of confession... and the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Whew!!!! If God where to write only one book to give to us, this would be a handful all by itself.

I've been truly wanting to understand what God is expecting from me. How I can make the most of time here on earth to fulfill the purposes He has for me and my family. As my body begins to heal, my heart seems to get more soft. I see how badly we are all in need of a Savior and not one of us will get off this planet without pain and loss in our life. How desperately everyone is in need of feeling loved by something bigger than a human heart. And, to feel like they have NOT been abandoned during their most crucial hour. I know God has many ways of doing this...sometimes its through supporting each other, sometimes its just through God's peace that surpasses all understanding. But, as I begin to brush shoulders with more and more people again, I can't help but feel so struck by the emptiness in people's eyes. The eyes are certainly a window to the soul and more than one person has told me that I have that "sparkle" back in my own. When I really take the time to look into someones soul, even though it may be hard to do, I realize that God does the same thing to me every day. He looks at those places I don't want anyone to see. It's too painful to let anyone in there. But, its in letting each other in, being honest and vulnerable, allowing God to touch those places we work so hard to hide...that we begin to get that "sparkle" back. We're able to have the energy and strength to pass that on to others. By sharing the truth of God's love, and believing in His power, walking it out with faith and deeds, not blessing and cursing with the same mouth, confessing our sins one to another, and allowing our trials to not only touch us...but to touch others. That's revival my friend. That's how people get off the roller coaster of pain and loneliness and then go out into the world to share the good news. The bible says in Isaiah 42: 6-7 "I the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free the captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness." That's who Jesus is for us, and that's what we need to let people know who are captive and sitting alone in darkness. That there is an abundant life available and it looks different for everyone. Knowing we have a God who cares about our every need.

I pray that in our busy lives we stop and remind ourselves what God is expecting of us. That's what I'm doing for myself right now. As we encounter those who seem to enjoy their place in this world rather than their time here, let's turn a heart filled with love to them. Let's not allow ourselves to chase after an empty existence, and remember that we were created for so much more! But, the only way to achieve this, I believe, is to be filled with the Creator.

God is good!!!
Blessings, Tanya