Bob and I have always worked hard at recycling, using natural things when we can and conserving as much as possible. When we moved into our house we changed out all of the light bulbs to the ones that use less energy and "live" longer, switched to all low flow shower heads with filters on them to get rid of the chlorine, and of course recycling. Clearly there is more we are hoping to do but it will take a bit of time. But, since being sick I have had to eliminate as many chemicals as possible from our world. I've tried a few different cleaners and some are okay, but they all have a smell that gives me a headache. I know most people aren't as sensitive as I am but one thing that I'm learning is that "clean" isn't supposed to have a smell.
On Oprah's show last week...yes, I watch Oprah...she had a show giving a ton of great ideas for using earth-friendly products and much more healthy. I actually ordered one of the cleaning starter kids from a company she had on there and it came last week. I have to say I love all of the stuff I have tried so far. The great thing is that a little goes a long way with these products and so it is very financially-friendly. There is no smell to the cleaners and they do a great job. I haven't used the laundry detergent or the dishwasher detergent yet, but we'll be trying those out this week. Anyway, they still have the discount up that I got my stuff for and I feel like it was a great deal and I love it. So...here is the web site for you to take a look yourself. Just sharing the wealth :-).
http://www.shaklee.com/
April 30, 2007
April 27, 2007
The Healing at the Pool
I guess its sort of inevitable to read stories about healing when you are sick for a long time and waiting for the day that it will come to your house. I was reading this one particular story about a man who was a 38 y/old invalid lying on the ground and couldn't get to the healing pool where he was convinced was his only chance for healing. When Jesus approached him he asked the man, "Do you want to get well?". I always thought that was a crazy question that was asked. I mean clearly the guy wanted to be healed. But after looking into the story further there was some underlying things going on.
First of all this guy wasn't looking at Jesus as his potential healer. He had his mind set on the water. So, when Jesus asked him if he wanted to get well I can see this guy starting to rant while complaining about people pushing past him so that he couldn't get in the water. He wasn't paying any attention to the man he was speaking to. It makes me wonder how many times I already have my heart and mind set on things working out another way...while the answer is right in front of me...speaking to me. A person could really spin their wheels trying to reach the "pool" when really all that was required was waiting for the "Healer".
But, it still was strange to me that Jesus would ask this guy if he wanted to be healed. I mean, of course he did. Clearly this guy was on a mission to be healed since he had set up camp next to the pool...or did he? It says that he was making a living begging right there so there was some pay off. When I stay stuck in the mud is it because others are keeping me there or I'm too afraid of searching out the unknown? At least I know this mud, right? But, we were never meant to live in mud...we were created for something much greater and more beautiful.
The other thought is that maybe he had lost his will to be healed. That is the one point that continues to keep me awake at night. How many things that have meant so much to me in my life that haven't come in a timely fashion have caused me to lose my will in praying and believing that one day it would happen. Its so easy to become bitter and throw up our hands when we don't get what we long for as quickly as we think we should. Do we think that just because we aren't married by 30 that our ship has sailed? Or, because we haven't been able to reconcile with a family member after 10 years of trying that it will never happen? Certainly being sick for two years has given me pause more than once wondering if my prayers are being heard. We look around and see others who are waiting for their chance in the "pool" and don't see it happening either. It just reinforces what we secretly believe...that maybe only good things happen to other people. If Jesus came and asked us, "Do you want to get married?", "Do you want to be free from the pain of your past?", "Do you want to be out of debt?" What would our answer be?
I believe the truth is we all have something we are longing for that seems to continue to escape us. Sometimes its because we aren't willing to ask for help getting into the "pool" and getting out of the mud and sometimes its because we have lost the will to believe for it and have resigned to let it go.
In Genesis 18:14 God says, "Is any thing to hard for the Lord?" It seems He wants us to ask Him for the impossible...and in the very least for things that are so heavy on our hearts and long to see come to fruition. I don't have a formula for waiting and believing and not losing hope. I only know I'm learning how to wait, how to believe and how to have hope. And how to recognize His face when He comes to me and asks, "Do you want to get well?" The only thing I know for sure is that He does come and does ask...and we have a choice. We can keep waiting by the pool because its safe, or we can decide that we don't want to pretend anymore that the thing we long for isn't there and begin to believe again that anything is possible.
First of all this guy wasn't looking at Jesus as his potential healer. He had his mind set on the water. So, when Jesus asked him if he wanted to get well I can see this guy starting to rant while complaining about people pushing past him so that he couldn't get in the water. He wasn't paying any attention to the man he was speaking to. It makes me wonder how many times I already have my heart and mind set on things working out another way...while the answer is right in front of me...speaking to me. A person could really spin their wheels trying to reach the "pool" when really all that was required was waiting for the "Healer".
But, it still was strange to me that Jesus would ask this guy if he wanted to be healed. I mean, of course he did. Clearly this guy was on a mission to be healed since he had set up camp next to the pool...or did he? It says that he was making a living begging right there so there was some pay off. When I stay stuck in the mud is it because others are keeping me there or I'm too afraid of searching out the unknown? At least I know this mud, right? But, we were never meant to live in mud...we were created for something much greater and more beautiful.
The other thought is that maybe he had lost his will to be healed. That is the one point that continues to keep me awake at night. How many things that have meant so much to me in my life that haven't come in a timely fashion have caused me to lose my will in praying and believing that one day it would happen. Its so easy to become bitter and throw up our hands when we don't get what we long for as quickly as we think we should. Do we think that just because we aren't married by 30 that our ship has sailed? Or, because we haven't been able to reconcile with a family member after 10 years of trying that it will never happen? Certainly being sick for two years has given me pause more than once wondering if my prayers are being heard. We look around and see others who are waiting for their chance in the "pool" and don't see it happening either. It just reinforces what we secretly believe...that maybe only good things happen to other people. If Jesus came and asked us, "Do you want to get married?", "Do you want to be free from the pain of your past?", "Do you want to be out of debt?" What would our answer be?
I believe the truth is we all have something we are longing for that seems to continue to escape us. Sometimes its because we aren't willing to ask for help getting into the "pool" and getting out of the mud and sometimes its because we have lost the will to believe for it and have resigned to let it go.
In Genesis 18:14 God says, "Is any thing to hard for the Lord?" It seems He wants us to ask Him for the impossible...and in the very least for things that are so heavy on our hearts and long to see come to fruition. I don't have a formula for waiting and believing and not losing hope. I only know I'm learning how to wait, how to believe and how to have hope. And how to recognize His face when He comes to me and asks, "Do you want to get well?" The only thing I know for sure is that He does come and does ask...and we have a choice. We can keep waiting by the pool because its safe, or we can decide that we don't want to pretend anymore that the thing we long for isn't there and begin to believe again that anything is possible.
April 26, 2007
A Suprise for Spencer
Today was a bit crazy, but turned into quite a blessing. Spencer had an extended day at school today and being a bit out of it I didn't see that on the class schedule. My step-mom has been gracious enough to be taking Spencer to his preschool class and picking him up when it was over. But, on these days she needs to be to work so she is unable to pick him up at the later time. I was in a bit of panic because I wasn't sure how I would get him home. I felt such an incredible surge of frustration come over me and felt so powerless to be able to care for my own child I was beside myself for a few minutes.
However, after pulling it together I realized that maybe I was well enough to go get him myself. I haven't driven a car since April of last year so I wasn't sure how it would go and I have been feeling a bit more tired lately. Anyway, long story short I shot up a prayer asking God to give me the strength to do this because I wanted so badly to be the one to pick him up. And that's just what I did. You should have seen the look on Spencer's face when he came out the door and saw me standing there. Its the first time I've been able to greet him as he has come out of class and he looked at me like I was a ghost. He couldn't believe it! And, then he got this huge smile on his face and said, "Mommy, are you well enough to come get me?" Then he started introducing me to all his friends and saying, "This is my mommy, she came to get me." I can't tell you the joy I felt of being able to stand in front of that door and give him a big hug when he came out. And to see the look on his face was...well...priceless.
I know there are times that we as mom's feel run down from doing all those "mommy" things and sometimes wish for a break at times - well deserved of course - but for me I am thankful everytime I can do anything at all that includes being there for my kids. I know I will never take for granted being able to make a meal or give a bath, or even read a bed time story. All things I still have hope to be able to do more of in the future.
I think I'm still a little guarded at times and don't want to let my hopes get too high, but for now rather than analyzing every symptom or feeling worried when I'm more tired than usual, I'm just trying to give thanks for any little thing that I can accomplish. Today I'm feeling incredibly thankful!
However, after pulling it together I realized that maybe I was well enough to go get him myself. I haven't driven a car since April of last year so I wasn't sure how it would go and I have been feeling a bit more tired lately. Anyway, long story short I shot up a prayer asking God to give me the strength to do this because I wanted so badly to be the one to pick him up. And that's just what I did. You should have seen the look on Spencer's face when he came out the door and saw me standing there. Its the first time I've been able to greet him as he has come out of class and he looked at me like I was a ghost. He couldn't believe it! And, then he got this huge smile on his face and said, "Mommy, are you well enough to come get me?" Then he started introducing me to all his friends and saying, "This is my mommy, she came to get me." I can't tell you the joy I felt of being able to stand in front of that door and give him a big hug when he came out. And to see the look on his face was...well...priceless.
I know there are times that we as mom's feel run down from doing all those "mommy" things and sometimes wish for a break at times - well deserved of course - but for me I am thankful everytime I can do anything at all that includes being there for my kids. I know I will never take for granted being able to make a meal or give a bath, or even read a bed time story. All things I still have hope to be able to do more of in the future.
I think I'm still a little guarded at times and don't want to let my hopes get too high, but for now rather than analyzing every symptom or feeling worried when I'm more tired than usual, I'm just trying to give thanks for any little thing that I can accomplish. Today I'm feeling incredibly thankful!
April 24, 2007
The Latest
Well, its been a little over a week since we got back from Fresno. I got myself a super-duper cold as soon as we stepped foot into our home and am now finishing up my last dose of antibiotics. It was a good one.
The upside has been I love my new medicine. I can't recall ever feeling like that about a pill whether natural or synthetic so this is progress for me. Usually we do a small "don't be scared" dance before I throw it down and then sit around waiting for a bomb to drop. But, so far so good. I am always looking at the clock to see when I can take my next dose. I have to say that I haven't been on it for very long but everyone has noticed an increase in my stamina. I've been making several trips down stairs a day and today I was able to go with Whitney to her doctor's appointment. That's the first time I've been able to do that in over a year. I can't tell you how thankful I was to be standing with my child in a pediatric office...which doesn't sound quite right when I put it like that. I guess it just felt good to be doing "MOM" stuff again.
So, I'm trying to stop holding my breath and just trust the process that it isn't a fluke, it isn't going to go away, its okay to be excited...well a tiny bit excited. I'm hoping that by the end of May I will feel well enough to fly down to my next appointment rather than doing the drive again. What a nice thought :-). My bigger prayer is that I feel well enough to be at Whitney's 8th grade graduation in June.
That's the latest from Casa de Gore!!! More to come...
The upside has been I love my new medicine. I can't recall ever feeling like that about a pill whether natural or synthetic so this is progress for me. Usually we do a small "don't be scared" dance before I throw it down and then sit around waiting for a bomb to drop. But, so far so good. I am always looking at the clock to see when I can take my next dose. I have to say that I haven't been on it for very long but everyone has noticed an increase in my stamina. I've been making several trips down stairs a day and today I was able to go with Whitney to her doctor's appointment. That's the first time I've been able to do that in over a year. I can't tell you how thankful I was to be standing with my child in a pediatric office...which doesn't sound quite right when I put it like that. I guess it just felt good to be doing "MOM" stuff again.
So, I'm trying to stop holding my breath and just trust the process that it isn't a fluke, it isn't going to go away, its okay to be excited...well a tiny bit excited. I'm hoping that by the end of May I will feel well enough to fly down to my next appointment rather than doing the drive again. What a nice thought :-). My bigger prayer is that I feel well enough to be at Whitney's 8th grade graduation in June.
That's the latest from Casa de Gore!!! More to come...
April 19, 2007
Fun Day at School
Today was our turn to go to Spencer's school and read him a letter from us and then to participate/observe how the class works. The boys had a great time and the teacher sent some pictures home. "Mr. Bob" was a huge hit with the kids and Spencer thought he was "really silly". Here are some fun pictures from the action...They were doing the play "Robinhood" and so since it was Spencer's day to have a parent there he got to be Robinhood and Bob got to be Little John. Bob looks great with red hair...don't ya think?
April 14, 2007
Final Appointment & Finally Home
Hi Everyone,
I'm so sorry its taking me such a long time to get this up. I was so exhausted after that second appointment that all I could do was roll into bed. The 2nd day I started with the doctor at 11:30 a.m. and didn't finish until 6:00 p.m. It was some concellation that he said he was drained too :-). Frankly I'm pretty shocked that I made it that long, but he did give me breaks to go lay down in a separate room which really helped. I had brought tons of food and water along so everything helped keep me afloat.
Basically what he was trying to do was fit two weeks worth of work into two days. Once we got into my situation he felt like he didn't want to send me home until we completed some things. So, we ended up having to stay over an extra day which was fine.
In a nut shell he specializes in the mind/body connection and needed to go back through my history during different events that may have triggered my endocrine system to go haywire. That was the hard work to do. The easier stuff was going through my blood work to see what that was showing. He felt very sure that my pituitary gland was not functioning correctly causing my thyroid to underfunction and my adrenals to underfunction. This was not news to me and I had been asking other doctors forever to treat this issue. But, most only used harsh drugs that I couldn't handle. Because he is both an MD and a naturopathic doctor, he had some things that tested really well for me. He knows how freaked I am about taking meds after all the crazy things other doctors have given me and so had me take everything there in the office to see how I handled it. Things went well there, but I have been having a few hiccups here and there since then. He says those things are to be expected because when you have certain systems that basically are nonfunctioning for awhile, it feels uncomfortable when you try to get them jumpstarted again. Hey...my body is getting jumpstarted :-). I love the sound of that.
Bob and I both liked him very much and so appreciated all the time he took with us. He didn't even charge us for the extra four hours. It felt like we had finally met someone who knew how to help me get my life back without making me feel miserable in the process. The other nice thing is that he felt like he spent enough time with me to work with me over the phone so that I don't have to go down there all the time. That was also a blessing. I'm all for road trips, but Bob and I feel like we're done trucking the I-5 for awhile.
We are so thankful for all the prayers and support from everyone. Honestly, we know it sustained us because it was truly a miracle I was able to tolerate the length of those appointments and the four days worth of driving. We had no problems traveling or with any part of the trip. There is nothing that could have gone better than it did. Thank you so much.
So, I'm finally back in my pj's feeling happy to be back at home. We were so happy to see our kids and of course Buddy the dog. It was a total frenzy when we walked into the house with the dog jumping up and the kids screaming "Welcome Home". It all feels great. I'm looking forward to see how I feel after a few weeks of the meds and feeling very optimistic right now. I'll keep you posted...Much love from all of us!!!
I'm so sorry its taking me such a long time to get this up. I was so exhausted after that second appointment that all I could do was roll into bed. The 2nd day I started with the doctor at 11:30 a.m. and didn't finish until 6:00 p.m. It was some concellation that he said he was drained too :-). Frankly I'm pretty shocked that I made it that long, but he did give me breaks to go lay down in a separate room which really helped. I had brought tons of food and water along so everything helped keep me afloat.
Basically what he was trying to do was fit two weeks worth of work into two days. Once we got into my situation he felt like he didn't want to send me home until we completed some things. So, we ended up having to stay over an extra day which was fine.
In a nut shell he specializes in the mind/body connection and needed to go back through my history during different events that may have triggered my endocrine system to go haywire. That was the hard work to do. The easier stuff was going through my blood work to see what that was showing. He felt very sure that my pituitary gland was not functioning correctly causing my thyroid to underfunction and my adrenals to underfunction. This was not news to me and I had been asking other doctors forever to treat this issue. But, most only used harsh drugs that I couldn't handle. Because he is both an MD and a naturopathic doctor, he had some things that tested really well for me. He knows how freaked I am about taking meds after all the crazy things other doctors have given me and so had me take everything there in the office to see how I handled it. Things went well there, but I have been having a few hiccups here and there since then. He says those things are to be expected because when you have certain systems that basically are nonfunctioning for awhile, it feels uncomfortable when you try to get them jumpstarted again. Hey...my body is getting jumpstarted :-). I love the sound of that.
Bob and I both liked him very much and so appreciated all the time he took with us. He didn't even charge us for the extra four hours. It felt like we had finally met someone who knew how to help me get my life back without making me feel miserable in the process. The other nice thing is that he felt like he spent enough time with me to work with me over the phone so that I don't have to go down there all the time. That was also a blessing. I'm all for road trips, but Bob and I feel like we're done trucking the I-5 for awhile.
We are so thankful for all the prayers and support from everyone. Honestly, we know it sustained us because it was truly a miracle I was able to tolerate the length of those appointments and the four days worth of driving. We had no problems traveling or with any part of the trip. There is nothing that could have gone better than it did. Thank you so much.
So, I'm finally back in my pj's feeling happy to be back at home. We were so happy to see our kids and of course Buddy the dog. It was a total frenzy when we walked into the house with the dog jumping up and the kids screaming "Welcome Home". It all feels great. I'm looking forward to see how I feel after a few weeks of the meds and feeling very optimistic right now. I'll keep you posted...Much love from all of us!!!
April 11, 2007
DAY 3 - 1st Appointment
Hi Everyone,
The appointment today was great. I'm super exhausted so I'll have to give more details tomorrow, but I very much like this doctor. He didn't seem overwhelmed by my situation at all like some doctors and tomorrow we will start testing to see what kinds of meds will be best to start trying. Today was all about family history and also he discussed some spiritual issues as well. He is definitely not your run-of-the-mill doctor. I felt like he had a great understanding about the mind/soul/body connection which is something I very much believe in.
I'll write more tomorrow, but I'm in desperate need of some sleep...Yeeha. I'm going to bed so hopeful, so excited, so thankful!!!
The appointment today was great. I'm super exhausted so I'll have to give more details tomorrow, but I very much like this doctor. He didn't seem overwhelmed by my situation at all like some doctors and tomorrow we will start testing to see what kinds of meds will be best to start trying. Today was all about family history and also he discussed some spiritual issues as well. He is definitely not your run-of-the-mill doctor. I felt like he had a great understanding about the mind/soul/body connection which is something I very much believe in.
I'll write more tomorrow, but I'm in desperate need of some sleep...Yeeha. I'm going to bed so hopeful, so excited, so thankful!!!
April 10, 2007
DAY 2
We're here!! Finally. It feels good to be in my pj's and hunkered down in bed. Didn't sleep at all last night. I think because I haven't been out of my Bubble World in such a long time. Hopefully tonight will be better.
Bob's cousin Christy is coming down from Milpitas (San Jose area) to come stay with us and provide some moral support :-). I always get excited when I have a girlfriend to visit with and have a nice distraction from all the other stuff. Although she and Bob are ordering pizza for dinner and I don't know how I feel about that. I have been eating turkey patties, garbonzo beans, green beans, celerey, and almonds for 6 months now so I was thinking I should get to choose what food they get to eat in front of me :-). Bob wasn't in agreement. Well, since he just drove 900 miles, loaded and unloaded the van twice so far and listen to me heavy sigh in the back of the van every time he took a tight corner, I think he deserves some pizza in the least.
Tomorrow my appointment is at 11:20. I'm ready to get the show on the road and find out what my options are. I am a bit anxious because these appointments take a lot out of me and have the potential of keeping me stuck in bed for several days so I'm praying that it doesn't drain me and I tolerate all the testing okay.
Thank you to everyone for all the prayers and support. I was feeling so yucky as we drove through the mountains and wondering if I was doing the right thing. But, knowing that I have all of you supporting me and praying for me helped me to push through it. It sounds so cliche, but it is true and I feel incredibly humbled. I do feel like all of the prayers have sustained me because typically I have at least one time a day that my body completely shuts down and all I can do is lay there like a rag doll until is passes. I have not had that happen at all and I'm thankful. I am realizing that God gives us what we need when we need it and not a minute before. I'm excited about tomorrow.
Bob's cousin Christy is coming down from Milpitas (San Jose area) to come stay with us and provide some moral support :-). I always get excited when I have a girlfriend to visit with and have a nice distraction from all the other stuff. Although she and Bob are ordering pizza for dinner and I don't know how I feel about that. I have been eating turkey patties, garbonzo beans, green beans, celerey, and almonds for 6 months now so I was thinking I should get to choose what food they get to eat in front of me :-). Bob wasn't in agreement. Well, since he just drove 900 miles, loaded and unloaded the van twice so far and listen to me heavy sigh in the back of the van every time he took a tight corner, I think he deserves some pizza in the least.
Tomorrow my appointment is at 11:20. I'm ready to get the show on the road and find out what my options are. I am a bit anxious because these appointments take a lot out of me and have the potential of keeping me stuck in bed for several days so I'm praying that it doesn't drain me and I tolerate all the testing okay.
Thank you to everyone for all the prayers and support. I was feeling so yucky as we drove through the mountains and wondering if I was doing the right thing. But, knowing that I have all of you supporting me and praying for me helped me to push through it. It sounds so cliche, but it is true and I feel incredibly humbled. I do feel like all of the prayers have sustained me because typically I have at least one time a day that my body completely shuts down and all I can do is lay there like a rag doll until is passes. I have not had that happen at all and I'm thankful. I am realizing that God gives us what we need when we need it and not a minute before. I'm excited about tomorrow.
April 9, 2007
DAY 1
It's about 9:20 p.m. and we just got to our hotel room 20 minutes ago. Late start to the day, I had to pee AS IF I was a pregnant lady all the way here and the van we rented is too high class for us. Every time we stopped we couldn't figure out which button controlled the left or right side of the automatic closing/opening sliding doors. So, every time we were ready to go, we sat for five minutes watching both of the doors opening and closing. Very sad pair we are...lol.
Can I just say one phrase? INTERSTATE REST-STOPS. Do you want more? I'll give you more...Lord have mercy...Let me just preface this by saying I am not a public restroom snob. Growing up in Alaska prepared me for some pretty scary bathroom experiences...or should I say authentic "nature calls". However, these are the kind of bathrooms you go in and even though you are all alone, you really are not "all alone". There are about 10 billion invisible beating hearts just waiting for their next free ride out of Rest Room-Ville. And, as if that pink industrial soap will bail you out. Fuurgeeet About it. Not even close. Bob and I both arrived back outside and shared our first Knowing Look of the trip. You know what I'm talking about. That look that says everything. I'm sure I had a strange look on my face like someone who had something follow her outside of the restroom...remember the 10 billion beating hearts? We both did a fake Purell spray all over ourselves and pretended it was real so that we could continue on with the journey.
I'm thankful to be to the hotel. Very tired, but managed okay. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride going through the mountains and tight corners and a touch of car sickness for the first five hours. Ginger tea has brought some relief however, and I'm confident my body will catch up with my brain soon enough.
It feels strange to be so far from home, but it has been really great as well. Bob and I played "Name that Tune." for a few miles and unfortunately my talents only lie in the 1975-79 era. If it was Journey or Foreigner it was all me. I blame my older brother for this miserable hard-wiring he helped secure :-). Just kidding bro'.
Bob is out looking for real food and I'm heading off to bed. Should be to Fresno before rush hour, although that's what we said this morning...lol. We made better time 2 1/2 years ago with a car load of kids when we made this trip. Times have changed. I am enjoying time with my husband though and we are able to complete a few thoughts. What a bonus...
Thanks for all the support and prayers. I know they are carrying me through. Hopefully more fun tomorrow!!
Can I just say one phrase? INTERSTATE REST-STOPS. Do you want more? I'll give you more...Lord have mercy...Let me just preface this by saying I am not a public restroom snob. Growing up in Alaska prepared me for some pretty scary bathroom experiences...or should I say authentic "nature calls". However, these are the kind of bathrooms you go in and even though you are all alone, you really are not "all alone". There are about 10 billion invisible beating hearts just waiting for their next free ride out of Rest Room-Ville. And, as if that pink industrial soap will bail you out. Fuurgeeet About it. Not even close. Bob and I both arrived back outside and shared our first Knowing Look of the trip. You know what I'm talking about. That look that says everything. I'm sure I had a strange look on my face like someone who had something follow her outside of the restroom...remember the 10 billion beating hearts? We both did a fake Purell spray all over ourselves and pretended it was real so that we could continue on with the journey.
I'm thankful to be to the hotel. Very tired, but managed okay. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride going through the mountains and tight corners and a touch of car sickness for the first five hours. Ginger tea has brought some relief however, and I'm confident my body will catch up with my brain soon enough.
It feels strange to be so far from home, but it has been really great as well. Bob and I played "Name that Tune." for a few miles and unfortunately my talents only lie in the 1975-79 era. If it was Journey or Foreigner it was all me. I blame my older brother for this miserable hard-wiring he helped secure :-). Just kidding bro'.
Bob is out looking for real food and I'm heading off to bed. Should be to Fresno before rush hour, although that's what we said this morning...lol. We made better time 2 1/2 years ago with a car load of kids when we made this trip. Times have changed. I am enjoying time with my husband though and we are able to complete a few thoughts. What a bonus...
Thanks for all the support and prayers. I know they are carrying me through. Hopefully more fun tomorrow!!
April 5, 2007
A Sick Woman - Mark 5:25-34
The story of the woman who was sick for 12 years and then pushed her way through the crowd to touch the hem of Jesus is one that I've become very familiar with over the last year. As I have read over it and over it, I keep wondering why the Lord continues to put it back in front of me. I guess I have my private suspicions but it really boils down to the fact that I can't seem to get certain truths from my head to my heart. It's a whole 18 inches of separation between the two, but it might as well be 18 miles. Am I the only who struggles like this?
I see this woman in my mind nearly every day. She has become distant and reserved after 12 years of bleeding and by law being required to stay out of the town. Financially she is depleted from seeing every type of doctor there was in that day. Probably some of them weren't even doctors. Not only is she broke, but she is now worse. Boy, can I relate to that scenario.
But, something was going on with her during all those years that she was able to hang on. Because by the time she heard about Jesus coming to town she had enough faith to break the law and head straight for the Messiah. In my mind, I think she probably is anemic from the years of losing blood...exhausted from trying to carry her share of the work around the house. When the excitement started brewing in town, she would have had to push her way through a pretty aggressive crowd because they were all pressing in on Jesus to see him. Somehow she managed to push past men much stronger than her, children who could have taken her out at the ankles and those who knew of her situation. Is that what God is asking me to do? Push past the doubt, fear, symptoms and all the outward circumstances that tell me something different?
And, how do I touch him? How am I supposed to reach out and touch the hem of his robe? Sometimes I am a black and white girl and I need to know what that looks like for me in this very moment. I'm also a slow learner and I need it not only spoken to me, but I need the black board and all of the props for me to understand the truth. As I was reading a book called "Christ the Healer" by F.F. Bosworth, searching for some of these answers, the author addressed this very topic. His answer: "By believing His promises. We touch him by asking, and believing that He hears our prayers when we pray." Scripture is very clear that it wasn't her physically touching Jesus that healed her, although that was part of her process...He told her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you."
My struggle is the wait. In my mind I'm ticking off birthday's, holiday's, seasons that are slipping by, a body that is feeling more tired and weary. The question still remains...am I willing to keep pushing through the crowd? Well, Monday I will leave the comforts of my bedroom and all the things I have acquired to help me feel "safe", travel over 900 miles to see a doctor who himself received instaneous healing after being in bed for eight years, and trusting the entire outcome to my Savior. If I have been able to trust Him for my salvation, then surely I can trust Him for my healing. Didn't He die on the cross for both of those things? Stay tuned!
I see this woman in my mind nearly every day. She has become distant and reserved after 12 years of bleeding and by law being required to stay out of the town. Financially she is depleted from seeing every type of doctor there was in that day. Probably some of them weren't even doctors. Not only is she broke, but she is now worse. Boy, can I relate to that scenario.
But, something was going on with her during all those years that she was able to hang on. Because by the time she heard about Jesus coming to town she had enough faith to break the law and head straight for the Messiah. In my mind, I think she probably is anemic from the years of losing blood...exhausted from trying to carry her share of the work around the house. When the excitement started brewing in town, she would have had to push her way through a pretty aggressive crowd because they were all pressing in on Jesus to see him. Somehow she managed to push past men much stronger than her, children who could have taken her out at the ankles and those who knew of her situation. Is that what God is asking me to do? Push past the doubt, fear, symptoms and all the outward circumstances that tell me something different?
And, how do I touch him? How am I supposed to reach out and touch the hem of his robe? Sometimes I am a black and white girl and I need to know what that looks like for me in this very moment. I'm also a slow learner and I need it not only spoken to me, but I need the black board and all of the props for me to understand the truth. As I was reading a book called "Christ the Healer" by F.F. Bosworth, searching for some of these answers, the author addressed this very topic. His answer: "By believing His promises. We touch him by asking, and believing that He hears our prayers when we pray." Scripture is very clear that it wasn't her physically touching Jesus that healed her, although that was part of her process...He told her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you."
My struggle is the wait. In my mind I'm ticking off birthday's, holiday's, seasons that are slipping by, a body that is feeling more tired and weary. The question still remains...am I willing to keep pushing through the crowd? Well, Monday I will leave the comforts of my bedroom and all the things I have acquired to help me feel "safe", travel over 900 miles to see a doctor who himself received instaneous healing after being in bed for eight years, and trusting the entire outcome to my Savior. If I have been able to trust Him for my salvation, then surely I can trust Him for my healing. Didn't He die on the cross for both of those things? Stay tuned!
April 2, 2007
TRIP PLANS
We are actually now leaving on Monday, the 9th so that we can break the trip up into two days. We'll stop in Medford going down and coming back rather than trying to do 15-hour days.
My doctor's appointment is on Wednesday the 11th at 11:30 and again on Thursday at 11:30 to make sure we get through all the necessary testing. We'll leave for Medford after Thursday's appointment and finish the rest of the way home on Friday.
Right now I'm holding my own and doing my best to fill up the days with positive thoughts and lots of reading. Bob's mom will be staying with the kids so I'm working on some play dates and figuring out menus so that she won't have her hands quite as full. I've been much more fatigued and sleeping for several hours during the day which I'm hoping is just my body trying to do some healing.
I'll be taking my lap top down with us so that I can post some updates on how things go. Thank you so much for all of your prayers, support and encouragement. I look forward to sharing God's goodness through this journey. Blessings, Tanya
"Yes, all that happens to me becomes bread to nourish me, soap to cleanse me, fire to purify me, a chisel to carve heavenly features on me. Everything is a channel of grace for my needs." Jean-Pierre de Caussade
My doctor's appointment is on Wednesday the 11th at 11:30 and again on Thursday at 11:30 to make sure we get through all the necessary testing. We'll leave for Medford after Thursday's appointment and finish the rest of the way home on Friday.
Right now I'm holding my own and doing my best to fill up the days with positive thoughts and lots of reading. Bob's mom will be staying with the kids so I'm working on some play dates and figuring out menus so that she won't have her hands quite as full. I've been much more fatigued and sleeping for several hours during the day which I'm hoping is just my body trying to do some healing.
I'll be taking my lap top down with us so that I can post some updates on how things go. Thank you so much for all of your prayers, support and encouragement. I look forward to sharing God's goodness through this journey. Blessings, Tanya
"Yes, all that happens to me becomes bread to nourish me, soap to cleanse me, fire to purify me, a chisel to carve heavenly features on me. Everything is a channel of grace for my needs." Jean-Pierre de Caussade
April 1, 2007
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